Two times over, # 2

From a distance
I watched them all
melding into a pool of depression
layers of drab browns and grey
cloaked
wrapped and re wrapped
people brave enough to be outside
thick air—
lined your throat and nose
grey plumes waved lazily from the sky
chimneys smoked—
fires burned
it was mid July

Two times over

It was mid July
fires burned
chimneys smoked
grey plumes waved lazily from the sky—
thick air lined your throat and nose
people brave enough to be outside
cloaked
wrapped and re wrapped
layers of drab browns and grey
melding into a pool of depression—
I watched them all
from a distance

It's all about them

Clock tower
but time stands still—on
an insignificant hour
and the world continues to pass by
unaware—
men in suits, sleek mobile languidly held to the ear
talking to a dealer about which car best suits him
while at home—
someone waits
her dreams cast  aside so long ago
she doesn't even recognise the person
who stares back in the reflection of the window
she's just cleaned
her days spent in mndane
ordinary mind numbing
nothingness—
until
that time
kids get home and ask her
what's for snack,
for dinner—
not even a how was your day?
And her favourite,
why can't you get a real job—
clock tower stands still
when you have nowhere you need to be

Pious heart

In-between remembering and forgetting
the differences in life and death
metaphorically
not physically
I took a gamble on something
that I never thought I would
reluctant to take the first step
hesitant to take the second
I succumbed with the third
Oh—joy
my eyes opened
heart sang
why had I shielded my destiny
beneath fruitless
insignificant blether
privy to something great
nightingales sang in my honour
a crown of babies'-breathe and daisies
lined my head—
joyous love
laughter
how much had I missed

I've seen

I've seen places
that I've only dreamed
and realised their beauty
felt their love
and known what they meant to those that were
before them
before me

I've seen wonders
that have left me breathless
and through living
I've found me
a person I thought I'd lost
and rediscovered
hiding beneath all the layers

I've seen pain
that I wish never to see again
gut wrenching
heart bleeding
senseless
debilitating pain
that leaves a hollow shell

I've seen it all

This is Life

Ah life
when you were ready for me
what was I doing
sitting in the dark
thinking this was it
it wasn't all about me
I swore that part was true
you knocked—
not once
or twice
you were insistent
that I answer you
and when I put my hands over my ears
to block you out
block everything out
you sat behind my door
through the night
and into the next morning
you weren't going to leave
until I answered—
did I
this is life
I did.

Love, in bundles

I took the chance
a gamble
on life—
expected nothing
everything else was a bonus
love
in bundles
exceeding my expectations
took me to a higher place
death
the cloud
that hovered
came one sunny day—
left me weak
defeated
and lost
birth of something
bigger than you
and me
and all of us put together
came on a day
that was yet to be determined
but it was there
cause I took the chance.

I am a somnambulate

I am lonely
understood by no one
sometimes lost
feel at ease
pretense so much a part of me
I don't know what's real anymore
too much pressure
leaves me tired
weak
confused
I am a somnambulate
day is night is day
and back again
and again
when will I wake—
from this nightmare

For you, sweet

Sunny smile
sparkling eyes—
glitter and shine
to fill a room with your presence
a party a party
only when you're near
love in abundance—
memories
our memories are treasured
in a vault deep
courageous girl
how you shone
odds against you
falter; not
fought with every breath
Then—
taken suddenly
to rest
in a better place
when it all got to much
somewhere far—
tears aplenty
what we would do
to have you back
until tomorrow,
or when that time decided
sweet love
we wish you
peace
love
and eternal rest

Red flag, White flag

He waved his red flag
and from the opposite side
he waved his white  flag
and somewhere in the middle
they met with tripadtion
and a fear that they would not let the other see
puffed out their chests
splayed their legs
and kept their hands in their
pockets to hid the trembling
spoke in loud gruff voices
words they did not understand
but sounded intelligent
wordly
and knowledgeable
all to disguise the nervousness
and lack of information
they really had
and put forward their case
glancing
always glancing
under beaded eye
whether it was
accepted
or rejected
and in haste they'd clamour
as they sought cover
flags at the ready
to meet just once more

Rude awakenings

So, you took what was not yours
and claimed it your own
for greed
you did not consider the journey made
from someone else
the sacrifices to get where they were—
where you could just step in and will it to be yours
you did not take anything into account
how naive
ignorant
or just plain rude are you
the sweat of others
the suffering of those who invested
not money—
that is nothing
but time
time, a
precious commodity
time away from family
all so you could
take it all away
wake up
your time will come
rude awakenings
will soon put things right
watch
wait
life as you know it has just changed

I'm laughing right now

The world owes me sunsets
and romance and fancy cars
driven by well suited
foreign men
who only say—
Please,
Thank you,
Madam,
Of course
who drive with determination
safety and a certain degree of recklessness
only when asked—
to keep it all interesting, of course
who carry my bags
my exotic faux fur coats—
real
just
would
not
be
right!
when I go out at night
to all those glamorous places that I am the guest of honour
Oh, grand am I
the world owes me
chiselled
modeled lovers
and a more mature kind of fella
with a bank balance to suit
and stilettos in every colour
silk
satin dresses
and a beach house like no other—
Of course
the world owes me
I'm laughing right now—
hate to burst your bubble...

The forgotten ones

He returned home a hero
fought gallantly
brave
for his country
sleepless nights
spent under a shower of mortar
he used to like the way it lit up the night
never once thinking of life
his life
saved friends
and strangers from death
risked death
all to avoid the death of someone else
with nameless faces
inventing names for them—
just so he could feel human
returned home to a street lined crowd
cheering
ribbons and medals pinned to his chest
remembered his mates
buried—
in foreign soil when it was all too much
to piece them back together
pine box wrapped with our flag
and sent to the family
who couldn't even say their last goodbye
to an empty box
he returned home a hero
a battered shell
a skeleton
of lost youth
and wished to disappear

The many faces

The many faces of me
leave me wandering who am I today
mime with no voice,
laden heart or
blank canvas void of expression
mask with no eyes
no nose
no mouth
to speak
words
my many faces
hide
shield
guide
me
and you
from everything too hard
to deal with
my many faces
suited to you
what is it you want
when I sift through the faces
only you can know
and only I accommodate

Ignorance

Oh joy
with sarcasm in my voice
I resound false praise
for the ignorant
who choose to mark the lives of others
and make them feel small
and worthless
all for their own
egotistical 
back slapping
congratulatory
self worth
oh how far shall you fall
one day
when you are seen through
like a pane of glass
shatter you to shards of nothing
left to nothing
for nothing
did this ever cross your mind

Why do I

Why
do I
question myself
things in my life
those around me
destiny
fate
life
why do I
struggle with things
I cannot change
refuse to change
can change
me
him
them
why do I
suppress
my emotions
thoughts
beliefs
for everyone else
no one else
even me
why do I
wish
want
hope
but never act
until time decides for me

Love blooms

Love blooms
on a summers day
takes hold of me
invades my senses
perfumed sweet as a rose
summer breeze
and sickly sweet
I walk in a haze
ballooned in my own dream
of you
of that moment
eyes met
body ached for your touch
teasingly close
yet so far
left me weak
and wanting more
love blooms
on a cold winters day
drawing me further down
binding my hands
heavy at my sides
and there you were
holding out your arms
willing me to move
and never leave

Fading time

Struggles for breathe
heart pumps
blood makes its way around
not enough
pressure builds slowly
life seeps
from his eyes
glazed over
losing time
life lost
too young
in a shell
that screams for more
that will never come

Wrapped in cotton wool

I wrap my heart in cotton wool
to hold all those memories dear
near me
for another time
when I am all alone
and locked within the confines of my mind
ease them
treasure them
bide the time
I know will come
remembering that smile
his kiss
that embrace
when I am all alone
that time
that has no time
holds no significance in my life
any more
but those memories

The sea

Waves high encase me
and I am free
to sink in salt cushion
padded onging
drags me down
too weak
am I
to fight
so I'll become
food
scavenged by the lowest sea life
grazing in the sand
high above
heavens burst
baptism of pure water
baths my soul
alas
too late I fear

Just me and my five speed

Gonna take the next exit
on a vast empty road
north
black tar
salt eroded banks
stale, dry vegetation
nothing here
but sun
and road
and more road
music blaring
singing in my out of tune
voice
loud
no one to hear me
not even birds
in the sky—
just me and my five speed
old rust bucket

sputtering in tune

Grey plumes

Old man wakes
to an empty house
in his mind—
he screams,
silence!
I am trying to sleep
once—
old man sips tepid coffee
in an old enamel cup
on its side; MM
how is she?
auburn locks flowing in the breeze
little M—
old man dresses
stained
threadbare shirt
tattered pleated pants; creased
long ago—
she took care with his clothes
darling love—
how long has it been?
old man walks

Oh, sweet

Hear that—
the sound of innocent
unabashed
uncontained
laughter
spreading wildly through my body
contagious laughter
oh, how sweet the sound
of freedom—
see that—
unadulterated
unconformist
undiluted
passion
tingling body
oh, sweet love
how I long for you
touch that—
heart
body
mind
spirit
until we part

In this manner we move forward

I am a believer of tomorrows
of new beginnings
new endings
wings spread
to fly through new horizons
trepid feet in ice-cold water
the sun's rays upon my back
I am the epitome of forgiveness
black
hard
cold sins—
there is a method in my forgiveness
all for tomorrow
blank page
new book
I am a giver of all things—
love
life
memories
I am
you are
in this manner we move forward

When you see him

When you see him
and he still has that effect
of stopping you in mid strid
and your breathe
stills comes in quick succession
your heart does a tango
your palms itch
sweat
and feel cold all at once
this is when you know
that this is what love
feels like
should be—
you can't imagine tomorrow
without him in it
you can't imagine mornings
without him wrapped in your arms
you can't imagine days
without hearing his voice
and you can't remember life
without him ever in it

There must be a time

There must be a time
when no one watches me
listens to my every word
where I can be me
and no one questions
why

I hear

I hear the music
the rustle of the leaves
the sound of birds
this is the calming
of a cold soul
the beating of a heart
that beats for nothing
I hear a tune
in the mildest of breezes
inhale—
get my fix
to go on
with mundane activities
I hear a sonnet
in words as they
come out of a child's mouth
innocent
unsure
mixed with naivety
I hear the music
when all else fails me
I hum in tune
just to get by—
this is life

Life is a rehearsal

They say each day is a small journey through your life
I say each day is a rehearsal for tomorrow
tomorrow—will be the day you get things right
you’ll remember all those things you wanted to say to that one person
you’ll take the other road to work to avoid the traffic
you’ll get up that ten minutes earlier
and go to bed after you completely finish that movie
you’ll have that other glass of red before it turns
stop by that new cake shop and buy that cake you drooled over
catch up for that lunch you keep promising your friend
finish reading the book that’s sitting on your bedside table
and tell the one you love, that you do—
They say each day is a preview of tomorrows
shake it up a little,
you’ll be surprised,
there's always tomorrow
live it well

Open your eyes

Lay down, close your eyes—
remember the last time
you;
frolicked through long grass
ate ice-cream straight from the container
danced the Macarena
or Hoki Poki
or did the twist,
rode a bike with no hands
ran naked through a sprinkler
did a bomb off a diving board
screamed at the top of your lungs
sang along to your favourite Abba song
or stayed up all night
then get up,
open your eyes
and
l
i
v
e

Wilted peonies

Actors on a stage
badly painted back drop
of a river and trees
an empty park
an empty chair—
old leather boots beneath
and a script that requires no talent
no emotion
no voice—
the curtain closes
and the actors bow,
the audience erupts, for a standing ovation
the lead actress, wipes her eye and clutches her bouquet
of wilted peonies and pansies and leaves
and in the green room
nails bitten to the quick,
the writer stares into his own empty eyes
and wonders when things got this bad

Red Tears Stain

History’s pages repeat
red tears stain
the red earth
the green plains
the untouched tribes forgotten
hoping to be forgot, instead
long pools of red
ignorance
arrogance
avoidance
pretence,
we don’t see
won’t see
can’t see
all around
red tears stain, our—
hearts
minds
souls
conscious,
for what was
will never be again
never too late to stem the flow
staunch
bandage
heal and recuperate
beg forgiveness
be at one—
in time the stains will fade

On becoming

Born
created
from an egg
waxed
mother-of-pearl
pure form
biding time—
that right moment
unleash all things
for humanity
then for our sins
lightning
thunder marks the sky
heaven bursts in continuous splats of rain
down to
rich earth
fertile land
arid soil
acrid dirt
vegetation—
green land marks
little do you know, tomorrow they will be cleared
make room for stainless steel
artificial light boxes
stacked one on top of the other
mass genocide
even the Immortals no longer exist
life reigns full of politics
this, never in your plan
three parts, simple—
the sky
the land
the sea
how could we have got it wrong...

Tender are the Stairs to Heaven

Tender are the stairs to Heaven
leading innocent souls above
wondrous beauty
effervescent
rise up from an eternal nothing
ascend into perpetual bliss
rung by rung
by step by step
floating,
hover
pause, but just for one moment
Izanami—Radiant sun
cast your warmth over us
share the vastness of your home
Moon goddess—Tsuki-yami
elegant dancer,
moonbeam splendor
in a cascading waterfall of opulent light
sisters forever destined to never meet again
how cruel your fate
how lonely your time—
Beauty, but your curse

Soul mates

Love times one
pleasured by affection
soul mates in life

Love

When your love is worth more
than his love
you cry on the inside and gallantly bare your heart
with sorrow
longing
and melancholy
to him
the world
the universe

hear me
why do you need more
than me
my life
my all
makes me question—me
not you
never you, because you knew
what I would be thinking, that I was never
first choice
last choice in a race
in which I won’t win
can’t win

when odds are stacked against you right at the starting line
the inception
beginning
of that day
that time
and you know what I mean
to love me as you say
on first glance
when all I wanted was to stay out shopping

love makes you laugh
cry
oh my, what a cliche’
rhythm and rhyme,
what a joke
when venting is best for the
pain
alas-
I’m ending this right
about
now.

Dad

Hey Dad
thought I’d write you a note
say thank you for the things you taught me
how to yell until you were blue in the face
when the electricity bill came
and you went around flicking switches off
mumbling under your breathe about the cost of things
and how money did not grow on trees
how the average working person
spent more than their forty hours in a steel box
with no windows
no overtime
no public holiday pay—
in summer sweat permeated every pore
and you couldn’t even stop for a drink
cause the boss stood over you
with whip in hand
and how lunch was a rushed fifteen minute stand up in
the middle of an unshaded smoke laced verandah—
soggy hand-cut white bread that Mum filled with last nights
gristly
congealed fat laden chunk of lamb
tomato and a slab of tasty cheese
every night you would come home exhausted
walk through the door and wait exactly five seconds
before we’d all run from our various posts and cuddle you
and you would wrestle us all to the floor covering our faces with kisses
until Mum would call us all to attention and berate you for
your smelly clothes
dirty hands and to—
not get grease all over my nice clean walls
but that was a long time ago
and things weren’t the same
after that day
that the sweat box closed
and you didn’t tell us for over a month
until things got that bad that you came home no longer smelling
of sweat, but
of single barrel malt whisky
and kisses soon became growls
and growls became
avoiding
you
and you us—
and Mum
no longer cared about clean walls
or wrestling
but about where the next pay check would come from
and what she would tell the family at Christmas time

Fragile stickers

Precious cargo—fragile sticker
sidestep me, don't cut me off
I'm waiting,
patiently,
can't you see.

Hey

Hey, hi
do I know you
I do,
I know, I know
you look—
a little flushed
embarrassed?
A little heavy, heavier?
I remember, I think
but then again, I can’t remember the last time we met
perhaps, I do
but don’t want to admit
that it’s been a while
you’ve let yourself go
no, sorry
I don’t mean to be rude
but I’m sure you agree—
you do, don’t you
you can’t even look me in the eye
don’t look down
please don’t
it’s me, still me
you see me, don’t you...

Don't sweat the small stuff

Give me a second
I need to get this right
in my head and then out of my mouth
somewhere along the way
it gets a little tongue tied
twisted up
totally wrong,
but—
it’s not always about the rights and wrongs
or about love
tenderness
sometimes things get ahead of us
we sweat the small stuff
the things that give us the least satisfaction—
superficial satisfaction
means nothing in the morning satisfaction
get it together—trying
I am
but give me a second
one millisecond
just to get it right in my head
and then out of my mouth

Libertas

Call my name—
loud
call me Libertas
shave my head
stand proud
hold out, my judgment
my vindicta
then cover my modesty—
I am free
to live
to speak—
unshackle the chains that bind my hands
the gag around my mouth
call my name
oh, sweet Libertas
how I long for you

What could have been

Sat upon a broken dream
threaded pieces on a string-
no beginning
no middle
no ending-
a confusing scramble
of nothing
and then from nothing
I saw through vision clear
a semblance of a something
a something of another
piece to piece
and will and want-
assembled into
anew

Just this

It's all a farce
faceless mask to hide what others don't see-
won't see
begotten of lies
deceitful-
pardon me if I choose to sidestep your hypocrisy

Snapshot

I'm sitting waiting for the day that will never come
waiting for that one perfect moment—suspended in time
the rainbow in technicolour
a back drop of my—
misfortune

When I was

When I was five
I watched my mother
dress up in patent heels
and satin dresses
and wished I would be just like her

When I was ten
I watched my mother shut down
from the world around her
like her world had just collapsed
and wished I was never as sad as her

When I was fifteen
I watched my mother yell and scream
about my hair, the clothes—
the boy I brought home
and I wished she’d just shut up

When I was twenty
I watched my mother scrimp and save—
scrub other people’s floors
just so I could marry
and I wished she wouldn’t have to

When I was twenty-five
I watched my mother
hold my baby—
kiss her tiny hands and feet
and wished she’d live forever

When I was thirty
I watched my mother
take her last breath
and sleep
and wish that I would end up being
half the woman as she

Sapphire-onyx-mother of pearl

It's all an illusion—
anyway
the sky is not the sky
but an ever changing canopy
of sapphire-onyx-mother of pearl
and so it goes
the trees not trees
but mannequins that sometimes sway
sometimes don't
wear gloves of emerald
sometimes
ruby
citrine
and sometimes none at all
the seas are not seas
but aquamarine silk sheets
smooth and soft
sometimes rumpled—
when two lovers sleep
the grass not grass
but fingers of turquoise ribbon
cut methodically
though—
sometimes long and wild
swaying in the breeze
your eyes are not like eyes
but cold black marble
vacant stare
through which—
I don't want to see
chill my very core
garnet heart turns into marcasite
It's all just an illusion anyway
isn't that what you want us to believe

Mind

Help
help
my voice hoarse
did I call you
I don't remember—
I cannot breathe
help
me
please
palms sweat
I drip in sweat
showering sweat
clammy
hot
so hot—
heart beats
so loud
count from—
ten
to
one
s
l
o
w
down
help
please
mouth dry
lick my lips
it doesn't—
help
help
so dark
is it night
I can't see
though my eyes
wide
help
me
please

Her dad

She lived in an old house
white weather beaten wood
green shutters
in need of paint
old swing on the front porch
she loved the afternoons
sun shining
red leather shoes kicking the air
and then the one day the chain snapped—
she screamed more out of fright
than danger
her mother ran out, but didn't seem to notice her
hanging at and odd angle
her mother puffed
desperately on her cigarette
looking at nothing
but serious looking
the door slammed
and her father walked
clutching a old battered suitcase under his arm
paused for a moment
staring at her mother
before walking toward her
he kissed her on the cheek
and continued down
the cobble path
out the front gate
no wave goodbye
and that was the last time
she saw him—
her dad

Foggy mornings

Thick foggy mornings
headlights feint
streetlights blur
cars grunt
wiper blades cut through thin panes of ice
but—
I’d rather be in bed
wrapped in flannels
thick and warm
open fire
warms me from the inside out
toes wriggling
fingers tingling
fat splats of rain on my windows
I trace them
drawing patterns that make no sense
waiting for the sun—
waiting
I don’t think it’s coming out today

Made in Australia

The instructions say
nothing
there’s only white space
where I’m sure there should be—
something
anything
nothing
the instructions don’t say
so I’ll make them up as I go along
from left to right
up and down
and when all else fails
add a bit of glue
non toxic, of course
epoxy
resin
tarzan grip
and hope that next time
there will be something
anything
written on your instruction sheet

For my mother

Mother's love devine
wrap me in an embrace
waiting for my time

One hour to the next

Time
passes
morning rush
a whirlwind
bursts of energy
to embark
disembark
arrive
depart
stop
start
life in fast forward
rewind
never paused
never stopped
one place
to
   the
       next
             to
               the
                   next
and back again
time
passes
night traffic
peak traffic
time ticks
too fast
quiet time
never enough
to embark
disembark
arrive
depart
stop
start
only to do it all again—
tomorrow

Blades

Blades—
of a knife
a razor
sharp
like a tongue
a piece of glass—
cool
calculating
cutting—
life a knife
a razor
a tongue
always waiting for that moment
to hurt
to maim
to scar
blades...

It was

It was as brief as an autumn wind
lasted just enough for a shower of leaves
to fall
one by one
to the ground—
through the air
it was as brief as the setting sun
a moment of orange light
and then a star lit sky
brief interlude
stolen by the sea's edge
it was as brief as a first kiss
a peck on the lips
sweet and unfulfilling
left me wanting more
it was
as brief as that 

How long

I wish you had of told everyone
that night so long ago—
I thought it would be better this way
you pretended, I pretended everything was fine
now I see how wrong I was
this thing you’ve had over my head
a life sentence, muted
every day another day that I wonder
will this be the day
will you feel the need to talk
tell him what you know
change my life forever
everyday—the same thoughts
and then I wish
I had the courage to change things
stand up
man up
rise up
to you
how long can I wait
before you burst this bubble
that is my life

No one is listening

The day started out as any other day
I watched the sun climb to its’ post in the sky
settling between cotton ball clouds
I exhaled—
sent my prayers for the day, upwards
upwards with no guiding hand
except no one was listening—
the shrill of the phone
the angst in her voice—
the sobs
I could make no sense,
put the handset down
in methodical process
I left the house
through tinted hues
I watched the sky
and wondered why no one had heard me today
I pitied the sun
wished the clouds would turn grey—
hoped for rain
to make me feel better
all the while thinking
why wasn’t anyone listening...

They

He sits on a porch swing
vacant gaze
pensive brow—
laugh lines replaced
with worry lines

She sits on the front step
eyes glazed over
hands clasped upon her lap—
smile replaced
with a mouth in sorrow

They sit in silence
thoughts meet somewhere in that space
of nothing
linger, then detach and float some more
into another place

He walks to his car
with determined step
suitcase in hand, battered and busted
and falling apart
just like he is

She walks on the beach
closes her eyes against the sun
feels the freedom enveloping
warming her
inside and out

They walk away
from each other
without a backward glance
without a thought—
of regret

Some things

Some things go on until life ends
like a ball of thread unraveling over time
sometimes fast, other times slow, gathering momentum—

some things only get better with time
like an aged red, sitting open on the bench breathing
waiting for the right company

some things take a hold of your heart
and never let go,
even after you think they would

some things hold that place in your
heart
mind
soul
body
that pain you to imagine them gone

some things remain
long after you are gone
only some things

Just stuff

The secret—
I penned it a long time ago
and even then I took my time with the words
they took so long to come
to sound right
to sound like they didn’t mean much
but deep down, I knew they did
and no matter what,
they didn’t seem fitting for it
the secret
my secret—
so I wrote it in the back of an old leather book
on the inside cover,
a book I’d written in over time
a book I’d never write in again—
I tied it closed with a green satin ribbon
and hid it in the bottom of an old box full of knick knacks and
things that weren’t important
an old tarnished locket
faded postcards
birthday cards
old bills
just stuff
and I put it high upon the shelf
and covered it with more stuff
until the entire thing looked like a shelf
of stuff
just stuff
and nothing more

Mosaic

Words of promise
secret words kept locked in a vault
that is my mind
I sit and ponder the words you said
why I promised I wouldn’t tell
I can't remember the reasons
or maybe I try hard to forget them—
I wish I hadn’t, kept my fingers crossed
like when we were kids
it’d make it easier
for me to tell
anyone
everyone
whomever would listen
words of promise
I close my eyes
would it be a break—
a crack
in our friendship
the faith
you have in me—
if I told...

Where do I belong

Finger pointed
like cold—
a steel barrel,
pointed at my head
you will never amount to much
much
to much
to much
to soft, he said
better stay and know your place
it’s not here, he said
away
away
away from here
shoot me down when I am low
down
and down
and down, he said
to the darkest depths of naught
where all devoid souls do rest
mark your place,
your space, he said
now go,
I said—go
now go!

Days

Vows would fall away like cool ashes
dreams would scatter like autumn leaves
thoughts would sprinkle like cinnamon sugar
and all I would wonder about was you—
suddenly I changed my focus
and things I never thought
would come
did—
paint a wonderland
of bright colours, shapes, things more beautiful than I could have ever thought
no more blinding haze of grey,
no more—
I saw it
my life
as bright as the sun
and as colourful as a perfect rainbow

Dear you...

I’m leaving.
Don’t try to find me,
I won’t let you.
This time I won’t.
I won’t try to hide, like some scared rabbit.
I won’t change the colour of my hair, my name or wear some ridiculous disguise.
I won’t.
But, I don’t want you to come after me.
Leave me be, just this once.
I may come back, I may not. I won’t know, if I don’t go,
so don’t, don’t try to find me.
Leave me be.
Just this once.
Please.
   

The Message

I met someone interesting tonight.
At the bottom of a vodka bottle.
It was when I thought I’d had enough to drink, but I wasn’t quite sure.
I suppose you could say the decision was made for me—the bottle was empty.
I was in no state to drive down to the local bottle shop and buy another.
I sat there smoking cigarettes.
In a cloudy haze, I thought I saw my thoughts dance around my head and then I heard it.
It wasn’t an external noise as much as it was an internal feeling.
It did not call my name.
It did not ask me for the time.
It just sighed.
Maybe I sighed.
I’m not sure, all I know is that I became aware of it.
I heard it.
I spoke to it and it listened.

Catch me

Falling,
falling
in
s
l
o
w
motion
and I cannot seem to grab onto anything
my hands slip
on nothing,
the ledge is just that little bit too far
the rope just out of my grasp
a branch
a stick
but there's nothing—
and so
I am falling
no hand outstretched to grab mine
falling
into nothing
for nothing
catch me,
please

Emoticon included

He’s not coming it said
no reason why
felt the need to send it in a text
emoticon include—smiley face
and an x, should be thankful I got the x
fitting for the age we live in
common courtesy in a text
I suppose I should feel content
he sent a message
could have been worse
he could have stood me up
instead a
'soz :) x'
and nothing more
ever
except it would have read
eva
left me wondering
what I did
thought about it for days
left me baffled
then annoyed
then mad
sent my own little message
two letters—
no smiley face,
no x
no thank you very much
I'll leave it with you
as to which two letters they were :)

Just a little

Just a little bitch
and a moan
and a whine
about nothing in particular
or maybe it is
a cleanse
a purge
just about the Autumn weather
a good a reason as any
the weather's warmer than the norm
isn't it
is it
it is—
and the fact that I’m not sure what I should wear
and mornings take that little bit longer
shirt, shorts, dress, jeans
or maybe a little bit of everything
and even then I get it wrong
and then I'm annoyed
after all I live in Melbourne
should know better
do know better
about certain things
and somethings
and nothing
especially the weather
really
just a little something
to get off my chest

Random

Somewhere I’m wandering aimlessly
my thoughts are wild
try,
I'll try to
tame them with a lasso
not big enough
and so the words escape
into a freefall
into oblivion
into the air
float through the wind
scattered thoughts
to words
to letters
like autumn leaves
flutter through the sky
meaning drawn for someone
gathering letters to form
a word
a thought
different meaning
for someone other than me
was it you

A baby's song

Baby cries again
in my head the sound
I will myself to calm
soothe
but nerves are high
I want it to stop
hold in my arms
and feel its heart pound against my breast
its tiny hands punching the air
tiny being
my life
I hum a melody
my heart pounds in unison
small being
totally reliant on me
earth's gift to me
precious being
I can do this
baby settles
little hands rest upon its chest
my eyes close
baby calm
I am calm
soothing lullaby
for both of us

Wishes

You took a piece of my heart
when I least expected it,
thought everything was fine
it came quietly
with no fan fair
nor warning signs—neon lights
it was just there
and I did not know what to think
I sat muted
transfixed
though my mind was blank
I wanted to feel
yet nothing came
I wanted to say something
yet my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth
why do these things happen
is it the Universe—
a higher being sending a message
or is it something more
jealousy rules—
lives
souls
maybe I'll put it down to this
and walk one foot in front of the other and
continue walking
Until I've overcome and passed through this mess
I hope that the mess doesn't stick to my shoes
and the path is clearer from here on in
and whoever wishes things—
good and bad,
I hope you receive those wishes back

Poetry

Never a poem
just a thought
something for me
became something for someone else
and then someone else
became something to do
pass the time
to make me feel better
sometimes a rant
angry, a verbal tirade
a rambling
with no beginning or end
a small haiku
quirky and fun
an ode
a piece of prose,
heartfelt, full of pieces of me within its body
and sometimes, something not much of anything at all
but who knows what
for you

What am I?

I am Gaia,
Rhea,
Hera,
Isis,
Ishtar,
Astarte,
Kali and Mary.
I am a mother.
Not certain, if that is my only role in the whole grand scheme of things,
I will have other adventures but this my greatest ride
for now.
I am a wife.
I am a daughter.
A sister.
An aunt.
A best friend.
I am a living being,
with heart,
with soul
with a conscience.
Rules set with the promise of eternal life
in a paradise afterlife,
or a never ending infernal—an affective incentive.
I believe in me.




   

Little bird

Little bird
with broken wing
waiting
for someone
anyone
to come along
comfort
bandage wing, lovingly
little bird
broken wing
looking for blue skies
to take flight
once again
free

A misunderstanding

I don’t mind he said
I don’t mind, as he walked around the house nonchalantly
I’m not angry he said
I’m not angry as he stomped through the house, with his muddy boots on
knowing how much I hated anyone walking through the house with shoes on
I’m not jealous he said
I’m not jealous he repeated as he tore up our wedding pictures and let the pieces float to the floor
I’m not upset he said
I’m not upset as he threw teacup after saucer after vase against the wall
I know it was a misunderstanding he said
I know it was as he banged on the front door begging to let him back in
I’m sorry he said
I’m sorry he said as he cried into the telephone
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry

The mouse

Timid shy she says
whiskers twitch
nose quivers
I am a mouse
hiding—
behind cupboards
doors
bits of scraps
odds and ends
I hear you—
I stand to attention
hold my breath
don't
no—don't
try and find me
I'm hidden
at least I think I am
why do you want to find me—
hurt me
all I want—
a bit of bread
old
stale
dry
bread
to fill my belly
lest I need to run
and hide
and run
and have nothing
to keep me going—
just a
small
teeny
tiny
piece
of bread

Growing up

We used to be friends
sit on park benches
sharing strawberry jam sandwiches
juice boxes and a packet of Twisties
we used to be friends
laugh, until our sides hurt
our cheeks were sore
until we couldn’t even remember why we were laughing
we used to be friends
and push each other in the back, until we thought we’d fly off the swings
screaming, legs flinging
desperately trying to touch the sky
until dinner time and we knew we were late and would run home
hoping to sneak in the back door without our mother’s noticing
we used to be friends
and hang out at each others houses
until our mother’s would shoo us out
to get some air—
some exercise
some sun
some anything
just to be out of their hair
we used to be friends
until one day we noticed boys
namely, the same boy
at first we didn’t admit it to each other
thought he’d be interested in the other
until that vile green
thing—
feeling
grew inside each of us
and grew until we couldn’t look each other in the eye
until we couldn’t bear to be in the same room as each other
until the sound of your name being called would make
that green vile thing turn red and angry
and huge
we used to be friends
until we decided we could no longer stand each other
we used to be friends
until we grew up

A lesson in love

Looking up at me
irrepairable actions
love hurts—true

The silent one

You are the silent one
the one that blends into the walls
into the night sky
into the bed clothes
you are—
the one I wait for
every night
in the dark
while the stars light up the night
and the moon is hidden between new and half
and full
and clouds
you are the one
encouraging—
without words
with a touch
eyes wide
with that look
that only you do and only I understand
you are the one
I see
when I close my eyes at night
when I dream
when I awake and sleep still blinds me
you are the one
when I am confident
self assured
I am me
you are the one
I await
patiently and sometimes not
for you to make yourself known
for time to pass quickly
for tireless hands to wind their way around the face of time
and every tick and every tock seems an eternity
you are the one
I ask why you are not there
where are you—
in this time
in this hour
this moment
and when I can bear it no more
there you are
as if you've never disappeared
were always in the shadows
the walls
you are the one
ready to break my fall
wipe the hair from my eyes
kiss me softly
and tell me everything will be okay
you

Green grass

Caught between a rock and a ledge
lichen
moss
dank
I am caught between life and death
and resurrection on a day yet undecided
threatening to infect
spread wild
spores of nothing
germinating
I am the nothingness
of life—
Oh how I wish I was
the perfect green
blades of grass
so carefully tended too
sown with love
rain sweet
water and
nurture in the light
in the sun
feeding life
into life
for life
spreading spreading
constant

Mirror, mirror

You are mirrored
me
I am mirrored
you
different
but the same
somehow
I hear your words
I cringe
you hear mine
you retaliate
not hearing
never hearing
what I say
what you say
battle fronts
raised to limitless heights
inpenetrable
thick with scrub
foliage of difference
tearing down the leaves
one by one
takes so much time
time passes
mirror image
you
me
not so mirrored any more
until the final front is lowered
and I see you
you see me
and cognisance
startles us both
we were never the same

The Man in The Moon

Piano keys
notes hit tentatively
halting
faltering
almost bashful
sembling—
'The Man in The Moon'
and then
with more purpose
confidence
louder
faster
louder still
melody known
repeat
repeat
no halting steps this time
continuous flow
reverebrates in an otherwise
quiet house
ears pricked to attention
again
and
again
and
again
resounding applause
in my head

One step closer

I saw you yesterdayI felt your breath on the breeze
smelt your scent
knew you were waiting for me
in the brush
hiding in the trees
just a glimpse
of eyes
lost
I am one
of many
I am small
and insignificant
but I am loud and clear
when I want you to know
you know
I see it in your
eyes
no one else sees
knows
gets what I am
I smell their fear
on you it does not exist
I saw you yesterday
waiting by the edge
timid steps imprinted in the damp earth
halt
you did not come any further
maybe tomorrow
you will take that one
s
  t
   e
     p
closer
to me

Daydream

Daydream away
eyes open
I stay—
mind takes flight
to another time
where the worries of yesterday
no longer exist
the thoughts of tomorrow
have yet to happen
where the sky is pristine—azzure
blinding sun
but I can see clearly
tree tops sway ever so slightly
and the melody of the birds make me smile
in the distant water trickles
calming senses
crisp
perfumed air
drifts into my nose
I am serene
daydream
away the hours
I can
at least today

Soccer star

Loud whistle blows
determination sets in
that goal's for you mum

April fools day

Jester jokes,
laughs
not fair to play on people's emotions like that
I say, full of righteousness
only causing him to laugh harder
not fair, I repeat
voice shaken
not so sure of myself now
jester smirks
loosen up
live a little
a joke's a joke's a joke
not so
I say
not funny when you hurt the ones you love
not funny when the joke's directed at you,
about you,
of you
not funny
not
funny—
all the while
I'm trying
trying to hide
the smile forming on my lips

How long...

How long must you wait for someone to notice
who you are
what you are
where you are
before you realise they will not ever
know you
really know you
how long must you stand behind shade
skirts
partitions
like a small child—
cower
hide
before you are noticed for what you can offer
can do
can be
how long before your time is up
the boat has left the dock
the breeze blows the other way
your life has passed you by
and you have aged—
grey hair
no hair
no memory
how long before you stand up for you
have a voice that is loud
proud
strong
believing in yourself
your self worth
your talents
your values
your life
how long...

I will not

I will not run anymore
I will stand firm
hold my own
speak my mind
tell you where we stand
I will not hide anymore
I am strong
come full circle
to this point that I wish to be
I will not listen
to the songs
of yesterday
the songs
so out of tune
hurting my ears
making no sense
melody
tune
non existent
I will not talk
to you anymore
for all I want to say has been said
wasted breath
I know that now
I will not look at you anymore
your beauty blinds me
superficial beauty that barely runs skin dip
cosmetically enhanced
highlighted
retouched
covered up beauty
I will not
I will
not
I
will
not

Tarred

You can take a journey
on a road you've never travelled
take with you all things you may need
and even those you won't—

set out on a road
tarred
rough
and strewn with rocks
gravel
dust
blinding paths

all things—
many things

that will make your journey bumpy
along the way you'll meet
greet
characters
the likes you never thought so—
take heart
open mind
listen
laugh
it's all about the journey
the travels

the road that leads you
to the future
an undiscovered part of you
just waiting

Pandora's box

Fashioned from the soil
the first woman—
adorned with beauty
and deception
laden with a gift—
Epimetheus beware
inquisitive by nature
it was all too much—
evil
illness released
only hope
our only hope—
embedded in a wall of stone
tarnished
inscribed
in a small crevice
the last hope
encapsulated
human nature
what we have left

 

I used to know you

I used to know you
once, long ago
we'd sit and chat
about the world
sing songs
so out of tune, we'd scare the birds
play dress-ups in your grandmother's clothes
we'd laugh as the smell of camphor
would fill our noses
and make us cough—
I used to know you
quite a long way back
we'd dance in the kitchen
while you're mother made us
deliciously sticky sweet treats
which we would eat, until bellies full
we'd lay on the grass outside
watch the clouds
shapes we thought
and laugh until the tears would roll
down
down
our cheeks
and we could not breathe
I used to know you...

The freedom of being

The freedom of being a child
a reckless abandonment
shrieking—
with excitement
with trepidation
swinging high
on a playground swing
feet in the air—
watch me Mummy, I can touch the sky
daring,
daring to let go—
just with one hand
one finger poised
slightly crooked—
I’ve done it Mummy
I touched a cloud
did you see me Mummy
a toothless grin
bottle youth
this is the best time
no thought for tomorrow
stay here
stay as long as you can—
suspended in this time
until it is no more

What am I?

I am light
I am shade
I am the in-between
that comes
at sunrise
sunset
I am your agony
your pain
I am your salvation
your damnation
the one that will bring you down
I am your all
your only
your nothing
your refuse—
tossed aside
like rot
I am your threat
your comfort
I hold you close
embraced
I am your solitude
your escape—
I am

The age of subordination

The age of electronic
subordination
of rules
regulations
time
and lack of—
time
always
on time
out of time
stringent
determination
organised
chaos
all the while
hand on phone
on pods
on gadgets—
Heaven help
should we forget
that blessed gadget that reigns supreme
pandemonium
all hell broken loose
how to function—
how will we communicate
for that hour,
God forbid two
that we are away—
the world will end—
without my phone,
don’t you understand!

Weak

I am the epitome of self-giving
I give and give
until there is nothing more to give
and I am a shrivelled mess—
and even then
I manage to find a little ounce
of giving to squeeze out—
I am no martyr
there is no broken mould
from where I came—
I have faults like any other
I am jealous
weak—
on many levels
I am far
far
far
from perfect
I am the first to admit
yet I will give gladly
with all my heart
all my being
to see satisfied looks—
heartfelt smiles
genuine bliss
this is my downfall
I will conclude
when things are beyond me
cannot be soothed
settled
sorted—
this
is
me

A short story

Did she cry—
call for help
beg for mercy
or lay mute
in my head
she knew it was the end
never could leave her mark
and find her way out
destiny
predetermined
it was written
long before she even knew it
saw it coming—
do you think
I hope not
eyes closed
oblivious
a surprise
ended quick
give her some
dignity
sanity
peace
I hope
that it hadn’t happened
at all
wouldn’t feel the need then
to think
wonder
question
why—
but why
does it keep me up at night
makes me break into a sweat
in the cold
makes my palms clench
sweat
nails dig into my hands
I cannot help—
could not help
useless beings
audience
was there
I hope not
know not
wish not—
but always that incessant
why—
but why

A tale of an ugly duckling

Left behind to ponder fate
alone
afraid
I am discarded
my feathers are not preened
or pretty
or primped
as the others
Mother said
time
patience
but—
I will flourish
find my way
unguided
unloved
forgotten
you will see—
feathers preened
white
plumes
graceful
I am
I have arrived
Mother dearest
see me now
no longer
the ugly one
a Cinderella
right
before your eyes
an ugly duckling
no longer
but a princess in the lake

Time changes nothing

Passive resistance
colour determines
wealth
determines
stature
determines
life—
civil obedience
until it gets too much
who determines
what is determined
how and
why—
draft riots
gathered in number
stand united
target same
government suits
black
white shirt
colour-less
soul-less
heart-less
and less
selective service
doors close
based on nothing of imporance
because of
power
greed
ego
times changes nothing

In my head

In my head
I am powerful
intelligent
I live for the moment
I seize every opportunity—
take what's mine
give freely
in my own head
in my dreams
I dream
and regress
and float
and feel carefree
I am without regret
in my own head
the world is at peace
at one
united
and loving
giving freely
smiling
courageous acts
merciful acts
at one with our surroundings
in my head
the future is pure
children safe
madness
chaos
do not exist
in my head
everyone has a purpose
everyone lives
free
safe
happy

Imagine

Imagine a world with
words floating
floating through the sky
on a string
floating free
bubble
bursting
falling—
Imagine a world with
meaningless words
double edged words
heavy
solemn
hurtful words—
Imagine a world
without words
standing mute
silent—nothing
no
sweet
kind
comforting words—
Imagine

A soldiers life

Soldier
suited
gagged
presented
stated
sadly
at a loss
with himself
at the world
standing at a crossroad
waiting
wondering
praying
in angst
with himself
with the world
lonely
lost
leaden
thinks of home
thinks of the world
waiting
always waiting
forever waiting
til the end

A girl's life

Once upon a time
a girl lived
but did not breathe
she grew
but did not
flourish
she wed
but did not love
had a baby—
a girl
but was afraid
that she would be forced
to live
not breathe
grow
not flourish
wed
not love
die
without hope
a circle that would never be broken
so she prayed
for change
for life
for hope
for sanity
for herself
and for all those
just like herself

When...

When will I be me
when will I sit and think
of all the things I've done
and think
I've made it
know that who I am
I was meant to be
what I want
I deserve to have
know what I do
is right
for me
when will I come into my own
when will I come through
when it seems all too hard—
sometimes
most times
all the time
what will I have to say
to prove that what I have to say
means just as much as what you do—
what happens if I don't find me
will somebody...

My head

My head wants to explode
I count to ten—
get to three,
get distracted
start again
get to five
distracted
I'm going to flip it
I'm going to lose it
three
ignore
four
go away
five
leave
six
here it comes—
arghhhhhhh
my head wants to explode
I count to ten—
by twos
much better

Midnight train

Dance with me
come—
we'll scatter a sea of stars
in the raven sky
and tap our feet in tune with the wind
wait for the midnight train
grey carriages
grey clouds—
soft
slow
I sink—
safe from up here
disco moon
shines silver
light up the night
take me far
forgotten how to dream
yet here I am

In an age

In an age ago
I sat small and wished big
wanted rainbows and ponies
and ribbons in my hair
bobby socks and
black patent mary-janes
but that was an age ago—
barely remember the time
that day became today
I am big, yet wish I am small
I want halos and garlands
and daisies and freedom
love and laughter
and dreams to come true
but night sets in
stars shine
and the moon plays its part—
and tomorrow brings
me smaller
and smaller
until I am no more

Mother mine

Mother Nature
wonderous
graceful being—
hurting
shedding
tears
floods of tears
hear her pain—
yet we don't
destruction
willful damage
in abundance
disrespect
disinterest
for a home
not ours to keep
clearing
clearing
land
forests
habitats—
our time fleeting
yet our mark stamped
for those to come after us—
if it still exists

Abandoned

Born into a wet world
harsh
motherless world
wrapped in an old hessian sack
gasp for air
fill my lungs
dark—
so dark
hurled into the air—
is this life
I wait
small heart
gallops
small sound
I whimper
yet do not know what is happening
to me—
mother, where are you
what happened
taken suddenly from you
I cry
for me
and for all those like me
hessian sack
closing in
I have no air left to breathe
I am tired
to close my eyes
forever in this world I’ve yet to see
destiny is this
eternal sleep
then darkness

Our children

Children raised for higher purpose
beings of the greater world
life—
held in our palm
dictated by a faceless voice
when deathly hollows wait
below
to gather the refuse
debris
of a lesser child
we will weep
and ponder
retrace the steps we took
and those before us took
to get to where we are now
and hope it’s not too late
our protest not in vain
when we know
inevitably —
it is
it was
and it forever this way shall be

On the end

I'd like to think, when I die
the rivers would fill
from tears that flow
the sun would sit in permanent darkness
beneath the moon and the underworld—
I'd float through the sky,
as a ghost
a spirit
an eternity
and cast my eyes
on the trees, that struggle to find their footing
from the land that became barren
from the animals that followed me—
I'd like to think, when I die
I'd be more than a memory
a photo
or thought
anecdote, but—
a thing that had left
a lasting impression
some knowledge
or feeling
of what life meant to me

Things decided

We laughed together
fell in love together
and cried together
never saw the pain come
only felt it when it arrived
came at us like a rocket
shattered us—
broke our hearts
never thought we could piece it back together
only saw the debris
strewn across the way
the road ahead was blocked
never thought to find an alternate
way
somewhere else to go
held onto all we knew
for as long as we could
and when it hurt too much
we decided—
you decided to let it go
made your way through the rubbish
through the broken bits
of everything we ever knew—
found a path
overgrown and in the opposite direction
but you took it anyway
and you found
it was your path
a different path than me

The why of life

Why does the sun shine
the moon have many faces
the grass grow
green
rain fall
waves roll
tide comes and goes
sand gets in everywhere
why—
do people fall in love
fall out of love
hate
die
get ill
hurt—
themselves
someone else
animals
when will
times change
people change
things change—
forgiveness becomes the most important thing
pain is abolished
war
illness
bad—
things
people
thoughts
cease to exist...

In a moment

The world rushes by-
in a whirl of colour
flashes
snippets
of a conversation
of a movement
gesture—
sometimes
in a haze
of black and white
grey a shade in between
highlight points that are—were
of interest to someone,
anyone,
or no one—
take a moment,
a snap shot
what is there left,
an old exposed film of my life
obsolete
irrelevant
uninteresting

Roses—just once

Lonely is the woman—
who sits in an old wicker chair
on her porch,
in winter with a crochet blanket atop her knees
lonely woman—
strains her neck
watching every car that passes
every single car
watches and waits
and hopes,
it will stop
by her house
patiently waits
 a smile spreads across her face
when,
one slows down—
she sits up,
that little bit straighter
that little bit more determined
then shrinks back down,
when it continues on its way
cruel fate
leaves her all alone
on special days
they'll come
with a wilted poses of daisies
or carnations,
Mother's day—chrysanthemums
but she's not dead—
not yet,
don't they know,
chrysanthemums are for the dead,
carnations too
and daisies, well
she has her own in the garden
this is what her life has come to
this is what she waits for
roses—
just once

Hey!

Hey!
Tell me that story again,
the one about that thing,
you know the one I mean
the one you used to tell me all the time—
when we were cuddling on the couch
you’d start by saying—
hey,
did I ever tell you about,
you know,
the thing
the thing?
Oh yes—
no,
yes,
no,
the thing?
Oh, the thing,
yes—
what thing,
you know it,
I do?
You do,
oh the thing, yes—
tell it to me now
I love that story

That thing

I live in cupboards dark
I am almost a thing of the past
was once used in abundance
life was good
rewarding, taken for granted perhaps
Oh damp
depressing
dark place
where I sit—
for that person to remember me
rare times
special times they are
relished thought
giddy with pleasure and want for more
remember me—
again
make me a part of your world—
again
languid pleasures of yesterday
today, technology scares me
life is fast
time is never enough,
no wonder really
I am forgotten

Heavy

This thing—
this heavy
heavy
thing,
such a burden—
such a load
heavy to carry
this load,
upon my back—
poor back
the weight
the heaviness of it all
trying
trying desperately—
to ease,
the burden
the load
share
the load,
pass it around
but no one cares,
no one wants to help,
just a little—
please?
A little—
even for a short while
until,
I gather the strength
to do it all again

A memory

Yesterday it rained
the entire day
fat drops of water
fell from the sky
they were angry—
fell so hard
pelting against the windows
of my house and I sat and watched
and then decided to take a walk
in the rain
not something I would do
though I felt the need
I took my umbrella
the one you bought me—
red stripes
fraying ends
wire poking out
from when that great wind swept it up
that one time—
small pin holes
I should have thrown it out
but never could make myself do so
saturated as soon as I stepped off the front porch
the rain came from all directions
slicing straight through to my skin
No point not continuing
so I did—
down the street
across the road
and that's where I saw you
waiting
standing still
drenched
like stray kitten
matted fur
matted clothes clinging to your body
you looked—
I looked
I walked—
you looked
until I got to the other side
and there we stood
wet face to wet face
I brought the umbrella down
black hair clinging to my face
in my eyes—
I waited for your smile
so I could smile
you turned
I reached for you
but you were gone

Storage compartments

Young at heart
in mind
in a shell of an old person
stuck with legs that won’t budge—
nimble once
arms that are weak
that had the strength of a lion once
young mind
compartmented
into sections
holding bays
for those memories
that happened so long ago
oh—
if only
to relive them
down aisles and aisles
forgotten ones
stored in the back
valid once,
not any more
I hear me speak
no one listens
I hear me talk
there’s no one there
who says I have nothing
to say—
stay
for a while
at least,
please—
you’ll see

Burned

Burned from the inside out
ash
covers my being
floating bits
of me—
float to the sky
into the air
to the sea
tiny parts
of my heart
of my body
and of my mind
flutter through the wind
fall still—
upon the ground
gather with other bits of nothing
or something
that meant something
or nothing–
once
to someone
or something
and now are gone
or not
who knows
really

The time

If ever I get lost
and wonder where I am supposed to be
I take the time to breathe
count and
collect my thoughts
take time for me
I breathe a little easier
and things become clear
there is always a tomorrow
a new day
for life
for new beginnings
and I know that I will be
the person I dream to be

Small steps

Tentative steps
Where to go from here
A world before me

I am me

You took my home
called it your own
took my land
and claimed it was yours
took my child
and raised it in an unloved home
you took my identity
and left me with nothing
my home became empty
my land barren
my child a stranger
my identity lost
I prayed each day
when the sun rose, I offered her my gifts
and hoped that she would respond
understood what I asked
for a home to call home
a land to live off
a child that would never replace the one you took
but one to fill that space in my heart
an identity to tell me
who I was
and a life I could live
freely

Life under a bridge

Poor man lives beneath a bridge
I saw him the other day
I walked by, held my breath
scared
hidden in his rags
and bags
and bit of old debris
he peered at me
then turned around
shame was in his eyes
poor man cries beneath a bridge
I heard him the other night
I walked by, the night cold
My heart heavy
I looked at him
sad
his head in hands
his shoulders heaved
broken hearted was he
why
poor man lives beneath a bridge
no longer would I remain—silent
I offered him life
a new beginning
he declined—
sighed
said life is this
every day
he couldn't imagine any other
too much time had passed
poor man dies beneath a bridge
I saw them gathered around
sirens, wail
lights, flash
all that remains
a body, a bag,
a number—
of a poor man living
and dying
beneath a bridge

The raven

A raven
black as night
held his wings close
his body
rested on a branch
waiting
waiting for the time
when he could
f
  l
    y
stretch his wings—
glide through the night
find a home—
though he knew
that could never be
leave this branch
find a new
home that would never be—
give his freedom
all he knew
a chain around his foot—
nights are for ravens
with wings
fly be free
sinister thoughts
malice
the old raven's life is this
he calmed his heart
settled his mind
for this was where he'd be

Winter skies

Winter grey skies
puddles form under foot
a glass of water

Weathered heart

Weathered heart free
Worn, tattered, bruised, lonely
Free too good home

Sometimes there seems
there's not enough room
inside
this place
the walls inflate
try to extend
to accomodate
the things I want
but sometimes
there's a pain that wants to exhale
and tries to let them out again-
though as much as I try they remain
exhalation
inhalation
expel
but
not
quite
and the room fills
and fills to capacity
and with a sense of urgency
I purge
to make room
for those things I want
and let go of those I don't
harsh
I know

Summer smells

Summer smells like-
sweet
fruit
honey
bees
flowers bloom
summer winds bring sea
and salt
and endless laughter
happy children
happier adults
relaxed bodies
tan lines
endless love
summer nights come around slowly
night noises soothing
tempest awaits
winter
brings a longing for another summer-
carefree careless stuck in time

Just another day

Those moments when you feel alone
while standing in a crowded room
people sipping martinis- laughing
Those times when there is no one listening
even though there's someone sitting right beside you
Those times when the burden you carry is more than you can bear
shoulders ache dragging you back-
d
o
w
n

Your strength

Your strength is in your palm
you guide it where you need too
though sometimes it is much too heavy-
never doubt the person you are
Your eyes tell your story hide your pain and laugh even-
when your lips don't agree
Your soul is deep and pure and true your smile melts my heart
Could I think of my life without you in it not a doubt-
it would be incomplete

My shadow

You are my shadow
the one I see when no one is there
the one I feel when it all gets too much
the one I want when I feel all alone
A shadow that grows-
and grew-
draped your cape protectively around my soul
blanketed my heart
and took a piece of me-
that in my mind
I wished that you would have-
forever
Yet, that still wouldn't be enough-
you are my sounding board
when things get too much-
attentive quiet full of praise wisdom-
even when I disagree,
the fix I need
the air I breathe
the love I give
the warmth I seek

Botticelli's girl

Last night I heard a whisper
at my window-
a small child
a little girl,
or so I thought
the night-still
my window ajar
to let in the night breeze
the light of the moon
a shooting star,
or perhaps that wasn’t real
confused
lost in my dreams-
I saw a little girl,
flowing dress
hair in pigtails
lovely-
like a painting
a Botticelli-
angelic
too beautiful to be real
I knew this girl
I was sure,
I’d seen her somewhere before
I called her
not by name-
for that I didn’t know
she looked at me,
I looked at her
yet she continued by

Identity

Like a drop of water
I wait
patiently
sometimes though,
patience has a way of getting away
but time prevails-
one drop
into
two drops
into
three and soon
I am surrounded
no longer alone
no longer afraid
no longer lonely-
and nothing feels like I feel
like I am a body of greatness
there is no one bigger
better
more loved than I am
warmed from the inside-
I fade
into the air
to be once again
an entity unto myself

Winds bring change

Winds bring change
tides
come in
waves crash to the shore-
all those things lost-
found
resurrected-
given new life
if only was simple
loves lost letters bundled
faded red roses
pressed between an old phone book
washed away
the pain of the words that should never
have been said
actions that should have been contained
cheap shallow words
things
washed
time-
time can never be retrieved
a moment passed is lost forever-
time is never what you want it to be
not what you thought it to be-
tide washes in
things
meaningless-
an old pair of shoes
a weather beaten log-
things washed in with the tide
with the winds of change

Maidens of the sea

Days are long
though the nights are longer
the gap is wide
sea distances the memories
and debris floats to shore
and all the while
the sand dances
along the shoreline
to a sea shanty
as old as an old Captain’s beard—
an old maiden’s hemline
beneath the sea
where memories go to lay rest
and ghosts of past sailors
live on
and mermaids bathe
and bask—
on buoys
and rocks
and fallen tree limbs
princesses of the sea
with heavy hearts
and hopes that won't ever come true
and odes dedicated to the sea
awaiting sailors
that will never return

Judgement day

Better to judge on the morning sky
when sleepy eyes
and meek-the sun dances-
shy
seductress
behind a grey veil

Better to judge on the morning sky
when what remains
important
remains
and the rest floats by
wasn’t worth the time

Better to judge on the morning sky
when tempers rested
not flared
smouldering embers
sance fuel to light them up again
and words lose meaning

Better to judge on the morning sky
when restless sleep
leaves black wild dreams
for the antagonist
protagonist free
let someone else judge

I dance...

I dance to the beat of a different drum
I dance to the music no one else can hear
I dance to the melody playing in my head
and no one can intervene
tell me I’m mad
should be locked away
while all the while—
I dance
and laugh
and give not even a—
fleeting care
for what anyone else thinks
I dance to the beat of a different drum
because I can

Pages of Yesterday: Rising sun

Pages of Yesterday: Rising sun

Rising sun

Houses the swell of her belly
covered with a cage of steel
precious cargo
retires within
holds the future
the will of things to come
tomorrow with the rising sun
the water calm and blue
will bath it in its
salty depth
baptise it
blessed
will it be born
and gathered among the
throngs of those who wait
born into a world unknown
will be the guardian
of the lesser
the forgotten
the lost

A family circle

A family gathered
in a circle
face to face to face
blessed
break bread
drink wine—
as the good book says
through a window
the neighbours watch
smiles
curtains drawn—
the table set
circle broken
not longer blessed
cursed
broken bread
spilt wine
stains the white linen
the carpet
the heart

family circle broken
can never be repaired
words said cannot be unsaid
bread broken not put together
wine spilt evaporated
as if it never was
and outside the neighbours
wish
for a family circle like this one

Winds of change

Winds bring change
tides
come in
waves crash to the shore—
all those things lost—
found
resurrected—
given new life
if only that simple
loves lost–
letters bundled
faded red roses
pressed between an old phone book
washed away
the pain of the words that should never
have been said
actions that should have been contained
cheap shallow words
things
washed
time—
can never be retrieved
a moment passed lost forever—
time never what you want it to be
what you thought it to be—
tide washes in
things
meaningless—
an old pair of shoes
a weather beaten log—
things washed in with the tide
with the winds of change
bring change

Droplets of water

Like a drop of water
I wait
patiently
sometimes though,
patience has a way of getting in the way
time prevails—
so I've heard
one drop
into
two drops
into
three
soon
I am surrounded
no longer alone
no longer afraid
no longer lonely—
nothing feels like I feel
like I am a body of greatness
there is no one bigger
better
more loved than I am
warmed from the inside—
I fade
into the air
to be once again
an entity unto myself

Last night

Last night I heard a whisper
at my window—
a small child
a little girl,
or so I thought
the night-still
my window ajar
to let in the night breeze
the light of the moon
a shooting star,
or perhaps that wasn’t real
confused
lost in my dreams—
I saw a little girl,
flowing dress
hair in pigtails
lovely—
like a painting
a Botticelli—
angelic
too beautiful to be real
I knew this girl
I was sure,
I’d seen her somewhere before
I called her
not by name—
for that I didn’t know
she looked at me,
I looked at her
she continued by