I am a pawn

Improvisation keeps me alive
drowning otherwise in your everyday
no one hears my distress call—
why should they
flares splutter
anti climactic
and I'm still pigeon holed because you say so—
ah,
what a disgrace,
what have I become
a nothing in a nothing world
where gamblers
and junkies
and hooded men
rule kingdoms bigger than what King Arthur ever did
naive sufferings
this is the now
and I am a pawn
dictators
and motivators
and self help gurus,
you have nothing on me
I will fade to waste
in a world that
just
does
not
care anymore,
did it ever
I don't think so

Predetermined Destiny

He was a damaged man,
they all spoke in whispers
sometimes loud enough for him to hear
that he was the forgotten one
she'd left him you see,
but you couldn't blame her,
not really—
just look at him,
they'd say,
could you blame her?
He was a damaged man,
a simple man
he could not add
could not dress
how could one expect a woman to stand by his side
what could he offer her?
He was a damaged man,
it wasn't his fault
not really
you only had to remember his mother
his father—
though many chose to forget that beast of a man
who used her like a punching bag
battered black and blue,
just
before
he
was
born—
ah, it all makes sense really,
he never had a chance
he was always a damaged man
it was his predetermined destiny
how was he ever to survive...

When it all makes sense

Sometimes all the right words get glued to the roof of my mouth
and the only ones that find their way
are the words that don't mean much—
sometimes the memories that I want to remember
are locked in a vault
so deep that I cannot grab them
and the only ones that I can remember are the ones that make me
sad—
sometimes when I close my eyes
and try to find you,
your eyes,
lips,
hair evade me—
I only see me
sometimes the pain is too much—
gut wrenching,
I cannot breathe
and sometimes I lay away at night and it's all that I can do
from crying myself to sleep
but then—
something happens
small
in an everyday
mundane thing—
I smile
sometimes I even laugh out loud
without feeling silly
or feeling like I shouldn't
sometimes through the clouds
the sun shines through
and—
I feel you
and you're okay
I'm okay
sometimes

Whining, whining

I won't be there in the morning
your self pity is evident even while
you are asleep—
your defeatist attitude
lack of stance—
responsibility baffles me
I cannot be around you anymore
you bring me down
rapidly and with force
you weigh me down with your imcompetence—
negativity
whining
whining
whining—
I cannot stand
Grow up!
This is it—
it doesn't get any better than this
whoever told you it was easy—
lies,
all lies!
Take charge,
I cannot pave your path
nor can I hold your hand forever
this is it
make it yours

Let history dictate

Parvati came to visit
Devi Durga, I bow before you
Divine knowledge, I seek
She spoke in quiet tones—
soothed my soul
this is history, she said
Agni, Vayu, Indra
no good can come of this
be true to your self
and everything else shall follow

My time

Desire life
I toast you
glass in hand
this is your time—
they are all here for you
fireworks light the sky
a choir,
they chant your name—
this is your time
believe

Weak

Deliver me a sentence
anything other than this,
in shackles, I've stood by you
black tape—
I cannot speak
but this was your plan all along

How grand!

Deliver the news—
big breath,
it is time.
The audience sits,
waits,
fingers strumming on knees
anxious faces,
this is it...
this is it...
this is it!

Oh, the memories

These are the days—
mixed with song
dance
and a giddiness that makes my head spin
twirling
these are the days—
drinks overflow in the best crystal glasses
food overflows on tables laid with lace
these are the days—
that laughter rings in the air
music loud
hands clap,
in tune
out of tune
these are the days—
that make me want to live forever

Indian Summer

Indian summer
trees sway in the breeze,
a lonely sparrow