Only in a word

Drugs-
denounce death
tax and
corrupting
politicians-
causing grief with
their fake words and
insincere forms of
political correctness
patronising behind
their Colgate smiles
while camera’s flash
in their faces
and on tonight’s news
we’ll throw our hands up at
the television
swearing profanities
while in their homes
they’ll laugh
at having once
again foiled us with
embellished truths
to suit-
their lies
to cover-
and we’ll sit with
children who’ll ask
why
and the answers will be there
yet we won’t know what
to say-
teaching them that
lies are evil
sins
punishable
yet it’s okay
to let the world hear
theirs...

A list of love

Heart brims over
when he smiles
eyes light up
and warms me from the inside out
radiating-
envelope me
keep me close
in a cocoon
growing
giddy
glad-
moments like these,
holding you close
arms to hold
to protect
to keep-
lips on mine, sweet tasting
breath of life
of love
cannot describe anymore
happiness in abundance
only when I’m with you

Lasting regrets

Sometimes lady-
loves to feel
the air upon her skin
light breeze that makes her hair ruffle
pretending she is young
sometimes

sometimes girl-
skips through the park
when no one else is looking
she smiles
feels carefree
and forgets about home
sometimes

sometimes man-
loosens his tie
sits on the bench down the street
wonders how long he can pretend
while watching people
as they walk by
sometimes

sometimes boy-
hides in his room
sits behind the door and cries
when the voices get too loud
something crashes to the floor
and then he hears her cry
sometimes

sometimes family-
packs the car
with the same half smiles
the journey long
they all retreat
wishing they were elsewhere
sometimes

sometimes pain-
wreaks the body and soul
leaves it feeling weak
clouds the mind
closes eyes
wishes for the end
sometimes

The right words

Unravelled like a ball of string
a verbal barrage of angry words
cascading waterfalls of letters
falling free
pooling in a dead sea
gathering form and meaning
upon the shore
with net and rod
gathering them up
one by one
piecing them together
winding words to form some meaning
in a ball kept in a basket
in a basket where they are read-
reaching in
one by one
finding words that fit
in colours that complement
in ways in which they're meant

Passing

I hear crying as I lay in bed
wailing
deep anguish
a gutteral sound
cannot be consoled
I dig myself further under my covers
I try and block the sound
tears seep from my eyes,
I don’t understand why
I see her so sad
I feel her pain
I want to take make it better,
she doesn’t notice.

She wears black to show her sorrow
she wears black to show her grief
she wants to be noticed
her pain is on display
people pass her by and whisper
she is so young
it is so unfair
this thing called life
fickle and short
and so damn hard.
she wears black.

Dear old man

It came addressed-
to the old man
who lived in the house by the park
the house with the shingle roof-
chipped paint, overgrown hedge
broken front fence
from that time, long ago

It was in a blue envelope-
postmarked from a land
across the sea
far away
he did not know the place
had never heard of it
never knew it existed

yet it did-
and here he was
with the proof in his hand
the tears welled in his eyes
he wiped them with his coat
held fast to the letter
lest it blow away in the wind

Old man it read on the first line
I hope this finds you well-
life is good
I am well
it's been a while-
so long in fact
I hope you can forgive me

he put it down-
held his breath
before he could continue
how much it hurt
when he remembered
but, it was time-
to end it

and so he read-
dear old man,
I know I badly hurt you
yet I could see, what you could not
I was never what you wanted
I caused you pain
I know that now-

I wish I could
take it back
but you and I know that cannot be
I hope one day
when time has healed
your wounds
and mine together

I will return
across the sea
to be back home beside you
I hope that you
will understand how much it hurt to leave you
and in your open arms I'll run
and stay forever with you

You know this song

I see you when I close my eyes
at night
I see you when I am down
smile from the inside out
moments apart
moments forever-
neverending
I count the minutes
count the hours
cannot count the days
for they are too long-
hurt too much
leave me longing
and so-
I close my eyes
and dream of you
I close my eyes
and smile
my heart beats faster
sweaty palms
I write your name on the shower pane
invisible until the steam
reveals what I have written-
so I close my eyes
and I see you
I close my eyes
and I feel you
and when I lay in bed at night
I reach across
and know you

Forgotten dreams

Beggars kneeling in tattered rags
blackened nails
hands outstretched
the stench of failure
their perfume
or was it society that let them down
used and stripped
and then spat out
among the crowds who walk on by
close their eyes
hold their hand across their face
and with the other
hold tight to their bags
their chests
their souls
should conscience call
compassion too-
for beggars
that walked our streets
lived in our homes
held onto dreams-
that were never theirs
and slowly life reached over
and took those dreams
one by one
by one
by one-
until one morning there was nothing left
except the clothes they wore
the shoes on their feet
that soon wore down
and the clothes on their backs
weathered
and nothing much was left
but the tattered
rags and the empty dreams
of beggars
on the street
that no one looked at
no one saw
no one wished to be

Fickle love

Called your name
let it blow in the breeze
carried it away to a land
across the sea
scattered in the wind
letters floating by
caught by a little boy who was
playing in the park-
with his dad
reached up and caught
your i
my l
o
v
e
then let it go-
one letter at a time
you he yelled
as I walked by
did you lose something
yes
I called back-
voice shrill
letters in the breeze
I watched them as they continued
up
and up
toward the clouds
formed again
united and then
the rain began to fall-
or were they my tears...

Sometimes grace

Sometimes grace
leaves me feeling empty
incomplete
cheated-
caught in a void
of nothingness
something meaningless
sometimes slight
sometimes grace
is a let down
more out of duty
than compassion
stale and recycled
but-
sometimes grace
can lead to things
that open our eyes
see truths
and things
rewarding and rich
sometimes grace
old fashioned
and just
sometimes grace
profound and deep

A curse, not heard

He cursed the day-
she was born
banging doors to be heard
cursed day
cursed child
blamed it on the woman
who he never should have taken in
cursed baby
pink and chubby-
cried when she was born
cried when she should have slept
day,
night,
while he tried to sleep
pillow wrapped around his head
not enough to muffle the sound
cried-
after feeding
before
while he sat down with his meal
cursed crying child
cried-
after bathing
before
he wished for a deeper pail to bathe her
cursed child,
he did
born on a day that was cursed
cursed the rain
that fell in a never ending stream
while he toiled in the field
cursed the thunder that cracked through
the sky
cursed the lightning
that danced
cursed the harvest that was lost
cursed the moon that was hidden
the night he planted
that seed

Looking at you, looking at me

Caught a glimpse of you
the other day
saw the way you looked
at him
while he-
looked at her
with that look of disdain
disgust
patronising look,
and then you turned-
saw me,
looking at you
looking at him
looking at her
and you gave me that-
co conspirators
half smile
half nod thing you do
and all I wanted to do-
was walk away
erase that day
we first met
and you said hello-
walk away
all the way
out of your life
without turning back

Where were they?

Beside his mother, with his eyes closed
he takes his last breath
around him, the walls crumble
as the next bomb explodes-glass shatters
people scream
his mother throws herself upon him
shrieking in fervent prayer
she does not know he has already left this world
for another that isn’t falling apart-

beside his sister, holding her hand
he watches her wipe her eyes
as the shot rings out and they fall to the ground
black gun aims-ready to reshoot
he closes his eyes,
little do they know, he has already left this world for the
one he visits in his mind
where the grass is green, the sun shines
and his parents are still alive

beside the stranger, he shivers with fright
he watches him groan with pleasure
around him nameless photographs
of children, pinned to the wall
a television plays a movie he doesn’t want to watch again
that boy in the movie-
wearing no clothes, crying silently
but little does the man know, he won’t ever be that boy again
he will find his peace, be strong, live again

beside the dead, he throws his gun to the floor
raises his hands to his head and falls to his knees
kicked to the ground-
he sees them clearly, his mind is clear once more
he wished it hadn’t come to this,
he wished he could have let it go-
but then he remembers all the pain
and all the times he pleaded for help
where were they?

Full Moon

Shining pale, silver ball
chants to you, ancient songs
curses the sea
and the land
the woman who lays alone in bed-
prays by her window
in her native tongue,
to the moon who mocks her
yet she prays-
for the family who lives in the village
whose corn cannot be harvested
whose children will go to bed hungry
and lay awake through the night
and stare from their window, with a growl in their belly
and offer their own little prayer
for the little girl who lives-
way, away across the sea
who they don’t know-have never met
yet watched her on the screen
with tubes and lines stuck in and on
the little girl with the sad smile
is dying from what-
no one knows,
what a cruel act of fate
and as that little girl takes breath
through machines that help her so,
she looks out upon that ball of light
and wishes for everyone to know-
the Moon dear friends
can make or not
good things
bad things
all things, the Moon
is such-
you either want or wait
to fill, or leave
but know
as sure as chants and prayers and songs
are offered right way round the world-
the Moon is a sure certainty
shining pale-silver
round and full
it’s presence you will know.

Pages of Yesterday: Loneliness

Pages of Yesterday: Loneliness

Loneliness

            Black is the day I wake up to

            black is the day I sleep through

            quiet the blackness-

            that makes time go by
            heavy, oppressing, beating me down
            til nervous, on edge,
            I finally succumb
            I sleep through the black
            one eye open and one looking through
            black windows   
            black doors
            black rooms
            black dreams
            to wake up to a new black day
            and do it all again
            envelopes me in this black shroud
            and somewhere in my mind
            I think of grey,
            and wonder
            grey days to wake up to
            grey days to sleep through
            with one eye open and one looking through
            grey windows
            grey doors
            grey rooms
            grey dreams
            would I feel less lonely...
           

That day

Tomorrow marks the day she said
and wiped a tear from her eye
tomorrow's pain will be anew
she said
yet he continued by-
are you listening, she continued
no, I'm really not
I am hurting, can't you see
no, was all he said
she watched him walk through the door
like she had watched him once before
wrapped herself tighter still
and knew what was in store
hours slowly come to pass
until he'd stumble through
then on the battered couch he'd sit
and have a couple more
until he settled into oblivion
unaware to all
the pain he'd mask would
all come out
together they'd cry some more

A single word

I cannot breathe
I gasp for air
I never thought it could be
with one single word
you broke my heart
it caved within my chest
it was written in word
it was written in the stars
this could never be
yet caught up I did
and never would think
I would be weeping
like a silly young girl
a puddle of tears
my feet getting wet
I suddenly opened my eyes
my heart will repair
the words I erase
the young girl
will disappear too

Beautiful things that dance in the night

I wandered upon a midnight field
with dancing shadows-
all dressed in black
danced to a tune I could not hear
graceful they waltzed
then took to the air
while there I walked with feather light shoes

A shower of light,
quite suddenly produced-
a star I caught as it fell
I held it gently, between my two hands
such beauty you’ve yet to see
shining it teased, mocking me slight
then drifted up back to the sky

I leapt to re catch it,
to not let it go-
we were caught in a dance of seduction
my legs gave, I was swept in mid stride
I floated with ease
I floated in peace
shadows protecting my path


from heaven I looked
down upon the field
such beauty, I cannot retell
from here I could see
such things, that before-
had made me blind
and quite lost

if ever, you feel
leaden a heart,
feelings of loneliness
and woe
remember the field
with shadows black cast
and dance with glee in your heart

Heartache knocks on their souls

Fire eternal, rages
in angst
fuelled by hate
violence and pestilence of souls
charred black
too evil to deem
to contemplate
believe-
that they once belonged
to anyone other than
the devil,
or anyone
anything
pertaining from
his seed
of lust
of greed
of desire
of want
of desire
of greed
of lust
from his seed
of the devil
or anyone else
on par
to fuel the fires
that rage in the
hearts of the lifeless
the dead
the empty carcasses
that no longer walk
but live among
the rose coloured
fresh faced
young, virgin youths
that walk in broad daylight
with hearts full of hope
to make dreams come true,
but only to be disappointed when
the fire flickers
and trails behind
and heartache knocks on their souls
to claim
their child once more

Silence

Shine bright,
golden trophy
unreachable upon the top shelf
won once long ago
I keep it there,
to remind me,
that-
my time is limited
before chaos
before mayhem
before mundane life takes over
again-
fields that stretch,
evergreen,
further than my eye can see
no need for deep breath
my body light
glides
in fields evergreen
to do what I want,
or not
just be,
in serenity
a clear mind
through fields
evergreen

Romeo & Juliet

Alas my love,
in true word spoken
how
I yearn for thee,
your scarlet lips
upon mine place
your hand
upon my heart-
it beats with an
incessant
boom,
attuned to thee
it feels
my love with raven
locks-
dishevelled as you may
to run my fingers
through
those locks
against your breast
I lean-
alas my love
forbidden are thee,
I declare, I vow to fight
for you within
this life- and through
all obstacles
beside me
you will one day
stand
as sure as air-
I breathe

Pantoum

Writing words I long to say
laden with my every thought
upon the page, come what may
internal rage, I have fought

Laden with my every thought
sometimes life can be so cruel
destiny cannot be bought
nor learned in class, back at school

Sometimes life can be so cruel
blanked out pages, I don't like
memories that I will fuel
words I write will change my psyche

Blanked out pages, I don't like
pages seeping from its spine
now on stage, where is my mike
words complete, I know they're mine

Why?

Why-
did you leave
did you go
did you do,
the things you did

Why-
did you say
did you want
did you feel
the need to hurt,
me...

Riding waves

Catch a wave
gonna ride it all the way to the other side
of the world
and when I get there
there will be no one to see
so, I'll catch a wave
right back home again
and I'm sure
no one will have even noticed
that I was gone
catching waves
riding waves
to the other side

My suitcase

A life of me
in a suitcase, kind of sad
really-
one suitcase
a little black dress
red stilettos
heavy coat
purple scarf
an old battered book
with my thoughts
and I am done
not much else
that I have,
that means that much
that I'll want to take-
kind of sad
really-
a couple of old black and white prints
ripped
faded
kind of like my life
kind of sad, you say
really-
maybe more
maybe less than what other people have
at least I have
my suitcase

One word too many

Can't take back, what's already been said
a moment of anger,
a lasting regret
too late for-
I'm sorry,
when the damage has been done
back turned walking away
leave me standing
thinking,
why...
caught in a moment
of despair
or was it just a total misunderstanding
I'll never know
too late to take it back
too late to start again
too late
too late
damn monotonous tune
playing over
and over again-
no one to blame, but me
no one to point a finger at-
but me
too late,
again-
it's too late...

Dear Santa

Christmas day
come and gone
I haven't written to Santa in years
no wonder he wasn't listening
boxes with ribbon
bows and ties
green, red and gold
I feign my smile
but inside
I am disappointed
Christmas day
come and gone
I dream-
Dear Santa
but then you already know
always have
perhaps it's not time
I shall wait
how much longer
I do not know-
I leave it to you
giggling excited
little girl
but not anymore
but you already know that
Dear Santa
how can I ever thank you
no ribbons
no bows
no ties
in green, red or gold
a day late
how can I care
when you got it so right
standing there
as I dreamed
he was...

Ramblings of a mother

Looks nice out
sun
birds
really-
who cares
steaming mug
black
sweet
liquid
all I need
before
the chaos
noise
boxed lunch
with fruit-
don't forget the fruit
no kiss
flippant wave
door closes
day begins
coloured
black
white
piles of clothes
wash
fold
iron
eyes on the time
already-
chaos noise
snack
fruit
don't forget the fruit
mathematical equations
history lesson
english-
btw
gtg
wtf
eyes on the time
already
feed the masses-
vegetables
don't forget the vegetables
three serves-
no
four-
no
really who cares
no one eats vegetables
dirty plates
stacked high
eyes on the time
already
shower
shampoo
snuggle
down-
stories
wait
'I love you'
sigh
smile
eyes on the time
until one day
I won't need to any longer
eyes on the time
it goes too fast

Black pools

Seeping through
pebbles
trickle blue stream
since the beginning of time
til the end-
gathering momentum
pebbles
rocks
crevices
to cracks
into a pool
that never ends

Seeping through
pages
weather worn thin
from introduction
to epilogue-
secrets revealed
sheets
pages
written
words filling
one by one
into a book
bound on a shelf

Seeping through
life
laden with hardship
from birth
to death-
burdens carried
pain
sorrow
angst
carried upon
weary shoulders
dragging feet
a cross to bear

Black wing swallows

Swallow flies
black wings
take me away
free
float
forming
Swallow soars
into my heart
twigs
branches
new home
houses
me-
my thoughts
contained
until spring
time
new life
beating wings
swallow flies
through blue skies

Curtain call

Deception
cuts like a blade
green blood-
poisonous flow
leaves me gasping
for breath
breathe slowly
one
two
close your eyes
rewind
back to
that date-
what would you change
first hello
last goodbye
red velvet
curtain call-
exit from the left
bolt the door
hand in salute
take it all-
back
to where
you came from
I'll leave from the right