Just another night

Bells
ding
ding
heralding another
festive night
cold winter
wrapped up warm
hot sticky summer
by the beach
minds filled with peace
bellies filled with indulgence
thoughts
promises
little do they know they'll be broken by morning
another festive season
smiles
polite
tomorrow there'll be the same loathe
Christmas time
around the world
different
yet the same
but not for all—
the little boy in the far abandoned stretch of land
waits like he does every other day
for them to come back
the little girl who calls that shack a home
waits like she does every day
for someone to bring her something to eat
and home
we laugh
exchange the gifts we laboured over to buy
and don't really care about much

Waiting by the edge

I fell off the edge of the world today
along with the poor
the malnourished
the misunderstood
surprisingly
there was a queue waiting
I thought I'd be the only one—
they were all patiently awaiting their turn
no need to hurry,
push
or cut lines
there was an almost politeness about the entire situation
chatting comfortably
language no barrier
I felt content to be there
I felt like I was home
someone offered me their story
and I listened intently
much different to my own
no one felt sorry for no one
no need really
there wasn't a priority
pats on the backs as they let go
a whoosh
a swish
and they were gone

I waited...

I waited to be noticed—
they all walked by
someone even dropped a five dollar note at my feet,
another flipped his 'NYC' cap as he sauntered by
I wasn't camouflaged, I guess
in-between the potted palms
dust bins
traffic lights,
I was still there
stuck within that place—
car horns blaring
sprukers selling
dogs barking, elated to be let off their leash

I waited to be wanted—
like the hand made silk scarves in vibrant colours from India
Manolo Blahniks, like those on that show that lady always wore
Gucci handbags, I wished I could afford
I wondered when—
I had decided
I wanted to be wanted
like some novelty
but expensive item nontheless...
when had I become a nothing
a nobody
a thing— non existent
another five dollars dropped at my feet...

Flowing Bordeaux

Quietly she sits
in her mind's eye, she replays
the events
silent
black and white movie
of a couple she doesn't recognise anymore—
last nights dishes still strewn on the table
the open bottle of Bordeaux
a '96 vintage has long since surrendered itself from the bottle
though her new Riedel glasses sit empty
overturned graceful neck
cascading burgundy
from mahogany table top
to box gum floor
pooled
like blood—
no body though
full bodied wine instead
gone to waste
evidence illustrates the tale
a happy celebration
quickly turned—
black
cusses
loud voices escalating
saturated wine seeps
disappears
outlines a map of their rage—
no amount of scrubbing will erase the stain
the scar
permanent on the floor
on her heart

Old letters

Old letters—yellowing paper
in an old shoe box
once upon a time they meant the world to her
once upon a time,
she wrote them too—
her favourite perfume sprayed on the ivory
embossed paper
and she took her time
using her best penmanship
once upon a time,
she sealed the back with an old wax seal
she found in a flea market
once upon a time
it wasn't a family heirloom
like she liked to tell everyone
no—
once upon a time,
she'd walk to the post box
and give her letter a quick peck before she dropped
it in the opening
and home she'd walk, with a smile upon her face
and every day after
she'd make the long walk to her letter box
to see whether there was a reply

soon—the letters stopped
and she stopped writing them too
and when she could bear it no more
she stopped reading the old letters
and put them in a shoe box
hid them between the old linen and woolen clothes
no one wore anymore
and there they sat
and waited
and weathered

Open bottles run dry

Charli laughs at Sarah—
one day she'll be just as pretty
she'll be just as clever,
at least that's what her mum says

David stares at Ronan—
one day he'll be just as popular
he'll get that great job,
at least that's what his wife says

Terry looks at Donald—
one day he'll be just as rich
he'll have that same respect,
at least that's what he tells himself

Yet time passes—

Charli's life goes no where
the night life was too enticing,
tracks— guide her life,
she doesn't remember the last time she spoke with her mum

David lost his somewhere along the way
his job
his wife
his sanity

Terry's time is overdue
he got onto the train too late—
got off later still
nothing left to show for it

Time passes—
memories blur
priorities change
self worth dispensed with
open bottles filled with life
run dry—

a shame there was no one left
to screw back on the lid

Death of a Father

A little girl
I was when you went away
my eyes stayed dry
my nerves—calm
all around me,
the world was crumbling down
a mourners parade—
who could cry the loudest
who could scream the loudest
I chose to be silent
I shut my lips
closed my heart
and kept it all inside
black night
starless night
comforted me
wrapped me in a silky black blanket
and lulled me into a dreamless sleep
and when morning came,
I awoke with less strength than the night before
and still walked in my weather-beaten footsteps
I had already created
and still my eyes remained dry
fingers pointed
words spoken harshly behind my back
I saw it all
heard it all
and took comfort that they were hurting for me
no one took the time
to ask me
I heard the voice inside
louder
louder it grew,
could no one hear it?
No one did,
time passed
cliche'—slowly
a Hallmark card expressed me
why couldn't those who loved me know...

Christmas time

Needle-point fingers
sweet smelling pine
adorned with baubles-
shiny green
gold
red
silver
fragile delicate cut glass of
stars
snowflakes
pretty twinkling lights
pride of place
stand tall
though, somewhere in the world
nothing to twinkle
but an incessant hunger
wishing stars seems to fall from the sky elsewhere
laden stockings
bellies full-
not another bite
yet somewhere in the world
a child begs for someone's scraps
Oh Holy night
prayers are heard-
others left
Christmas spirit
bring us all ever lasting light

Life lines

Each line
a line that told a tale
first line, buried deep among the others
hard to recall when it showed up
could it be after the death of her mother...
second line crosses the first—
a half embrace
of that time when he left her
soon after her mother...
third line, intermingled with the fourth or fifth
perhaps even the sixth and seventh
for all those years
she raised the children on her own—
cried herself to sleep
hating the world that had struck her such a raw deal
how did her mother ever do it....
cannot count anymore after the tenth
all joined
interlinked
woven
a spider-web of lines
from peak-to-peak
crease to crevice
each line a tale
and what tales
if only she had the time to write them down
or tell someone
who cares...

Deciduous life

Deciduous tree
leaves fall gently to the ground
another lie escapes his lips
hushes her whimper
the air turns cold
winter fast approaching
the next chapter in her life
awaits around the corner
no more will she gather his lies
swallow them all
ignore the bitter taste they leave in her mouth
a mound of leaves
orange
red
crinkle underfoot as they are gathered
dumped into the compost
ready to be used
springtime
soil fed with love
spring time
breath of new life
she will watch the leaves blossom on the tree
teach her heart to trust—
again
and no more will lies be her nourishment
no more will she believe
she has no self worth
green buds sprout
feed and grow
shelter
strength
through which the sun shines
to warm her soul
yet no longer does she hide behind it

An old ship

The anchor that grounds an otherwise floating ship
searches through murky water
rocky
sandy
seas
in the past
canvas sails
white and pure
billow
the wind makes them do that dance
to and fro
ballerina skirts
pirouetting
elegant
this way and that
heralding their presence on an unsettled sea
guiding light
night light
beacon paths your way
majestic
form
confidence oozes, waves bow down before you
open the way til you come to rest
oh graceful form you are
the things you've seen
and things you chose not to see
aged gracefully
til you come to berth
salvaged parts
ravaged parts to live in a younger form

Wire fences

Damned before life began
against the world
fighting challenges that were unfair
not a chance
for your existence
left alone to be forgot
yet the urge to be heard was strong
the desire to grow
learn
a necessity
more than air
food
a hunger
almost like a wildebeest
chanting your mantra
this was life
obstacles no longer obstacles
challenges no longer challenges
this was what you were born to do
sacrifice your calling
proven time and time again
that no one should be taken for granted
life a privilege
love a precious gift
hope eternal

My mother's perfume

Mother's perfume lasted long after she went
a subtle lingering smell
rose
vanilla
sweet
it was in her clothes
in her bedsheets
in her house
like a ghost that haunted me
the more I tried to forget
the more I smelt her
childhood memories
sparked by the fragrance
until I stopped going
there was no longer any need
and life continued
minute by minute
hour by hour
day by day
summer into autumn
to winter to spring
one day on a park bench
a breeze brought with it
that
scent
my mother's perfume
wafted casually through the air
defiant
challenging me
my emotions
that fought within me
to rise to the surface
through every other feeling
the persistence
the insistance
that I remember
acknowledge
never forget
rose
vanilla
sweet
suffocating me.

New breath

Nothing feels like life
new breath
purged sins of yesterday
baptismal font
holy water
sanctify
blessed soul
that wandered aimlessly through life
walked-eyes closed
holding breath
able now to hold your head up
camouflaged in the masses
no fingers point
technicolour world
sweet scent
stench
chaos
noise
and you treasure each element
grab hold with both hands
this is what you waited for
hoped
wanted
new breath
purged sins of yesterday
yours to do with as you will
yours to change as you will

Grey plumes

Bastard sons
of bastard daughters
that polluted the air with their trickery and lies
rancid fumes
grey plumes that merged as one
umbrella in the sky
where green was no longer green
and innocence was forgot
bastard sons
of bastard daughters
savaged the world
skeleton bodies waited
with baited breath
at their mercy
futures torn
shredded lives
whole beings ceasing
bastard sons
of bastard daughters
written about in volumes
glorified antics
justified actions
for what
a purer being-
says you.

Time waits

hands still

life withers

Emptiness

I am silence

nothing else matters

Three words

Three words
three words softly spoken
and nothing else matters
washing sits in a heap
last nights dishes overflow
your bed still warm, unmade
bed clothes dishevelled
like you were already fighting the enemy
while you slept
three small words
one that sticks out
why life must be so cruel
why mountains
are unreachable
steep rocks
cavernous
obstacles
all for these three words
that changed a life
challenge your life
and make you look out for the bigger things
for the rainbow
for the light
and all those cliches'
you never had reason to think of before
but now you cling to

Will you hold me forever...

yes

Black clouds threaten

pure heart reigns

Lies

Inside a small atom of a thing grows
adjusting, readjusting
making room
expanding
always expanding
outside life is as it was
nothing new
sun shines
clouds form
rain threatens
and inside this small thing is ready to spread
and tangle its threadlike antenna
into crevices
and spots that you wouldn't think
until it has spread itself-
with no visible beginnings
no end
nothing but a tangle of nothingness
viscious
callous
spiteful
yet meaningless.

A spill

I spilled a little of me yesterday,
not much, but enough to let
the trickle leave a little path
and that little path formed a puddle
until it wasn't so little anymore
and by the time I realised
I had lost myself
I could not retrace my steps,
gather the bits that spilled
for the pool was dried by the sun
and that part of me was gone forever
I prayed for rain,
with the hopes the parts I lost
would eventually find their way
back to me...
it never did
the sky remained cloudless
mocking me from way up high
a new day dawned, bluer than the one before
until I lost all hope
and so I remain
forever with a void within
pieces spilled
an empty me.

Road signs

When do you know you've reached the end
obvious signs
a brick wall
no reply
a road traveled maybe obvious,
life is not
sometimes hard
most times confusing
life signs not as clear
as road signs
turn left, to heart break
to right, to paradise
stop, caution, life's struggle ahead
pains my heart
to know this is true
yet what direction can you give
in life
a road map leads to all places
yet yours leads to empty.

Until the end

I see the things that most don't
feel for the things that most don't
care for the things that most don't
and when I hurt, I bleed
I wipe my eyes and take a breath
cover myself in an invisible armour
of steel and then I step back into life
and wait for the time
once again-
when I find out things I shouldn't
get caught in things I shouldn't
surround myself with those I shouldn't
exhausted with a battle never won,
I fall and curl into a ball
and wait for the things most don't
feel for the things most don't
and surround myself with those I shouldn't,
until the end.

The story of time

A chain
that links a life to another
an idea to another
a thought to another
the old woman living down the street
wrote a book long ago
that was bought my by uncle
who did not know how to read,
yet loved to pretend he did
overflowing bookshelf
with the likes of Keats,
Yeats,
Shakespeare
not opened,
not ever
for he lived alone,
never married
nor had children
one day he took his last breath
closed his eyes
and fell into eternal sleep
and all the books upon the shelf
were sad and lonely
until the masses rolled in
and scavenged his belongings,
the leather recliner,
the plasma television
his favourite black vinyls,
but no one touched the books,
and so I packed each one
lovingly brought them home.
Splayed them out,
upon my floor
and that's when I noticed
the old woman's name
and so I carried the book to her home
and gave it to her
and she remembered having written it,
along with many others
I asked would she take the time
and read to me,
of course, she said
the story of the old woman
and at the end,
I thanked her,
kissed her wrinkled cheek
walked with my book held under my arm
and never saw the old woman again.

Lonely soul

Lonely soul
wanders far
seeks love

Time waits for no one

Time waits for no one
and when it's time you'll know
and all those things that seemed
important-
will fall
books unread
jobs not finished
days left empty
time waits for no one
and when it's time you'll see
that the things you so desperately
needed to do
will be left abandoned
spring cleaning,
a cluttered mess
the washing,
overflowing
time waits for no one
and when it's time you'll embrace it.

For sale

For sale
one life
slightly used.

Mind games

I do, you do
magic
games
that cast spells
in the mind, seductive
She does, he does
secrets
plans aborted
that spread lies
in the mind, shattered
We do, they do
laugh
a joke
that isn't funny
in the mind, hurting
human nature
tests the boundaries,
test the patience
of each other
no magic
secrets
laugh
tastes the same
this game you play is selfish.

The life of a butterfly

The life of a butterfly
glamorous it seems
wings delicate
splashed with colour
fly free
limited time,
no guide, all free flowing
destination unclear,
just to 'that place'
wherever that may be
float, hover, settle sometimes
proboscis seeks the sweet taste
yellow magic dust
upon roses, pansies, daisies
whatever is about
take your fill
gracious gliding thing of beauty
life limited, yet you do not complain
came to be from humble beginnings
spread your beauty wide.

A short tale

Rewind button
doesn't work
in life

Six word poem

A thread
a word
lives destroyed

Life is perfect

Someone said, life's perfect
with its little imperfections
life is worth living
worth fighting
worth shedding the occasional tear or too
for-life
mundane tasks
boring days
eventful nights,
all for this thing called life
restless nights
stressful days, that go on forever
this thing called life
every morning a blessing
every night thankful
for life
that was lived
for sacrifices made
for events that made us smile
for those that made us weep
life varied
different
kind or malignant
destructive life
still ours-
life is perfect.

The brick wall

Nothing
not an idea
not an inkling
not an atom of a thing,
yet in my mind
there's plenty
nothing worthy of wasting
the effort though
so I think
and the thoughts scramble
for attention
and I wait for the spark
that never comes
nothing
not an idea
not the measliest scrap of something
nothing
the ink runs dry
paper clean
words jumble, they make no sense
for today there is nothing
nothing at all.

Silence

Silence
quiet today
no hum of bees outside
no laughter
chatter
giggles inside
no yell
no scream
it's quiet
no music blares from the television
Katie Perry in her new film clip
always gets them going
even the washing machine
is idle, sleeping today
someone left the dryer door open
it's hungry,
but there's nothing for it today
silence
everywhere this incessant silence
I walk ears on alert
for the tiniest sound
there isn't any-
not even the sound of me breathing
I don't like the silence.

Life's challenge

Life's challenge
learn to love
laugh
grow
be healthy
play, but not too much
eat well, but not too well
learn new things
but not too many,
seeming too smart, can also lead to cockiness
love but not too many
you won't be taken serious
though you will have lots of fun
get married,
though it's not considered as fashionable as once was
have children
but not too many,
life's expensive enough as it is-
anything more than three requires a new car
grow old,
but not too old,
for the kids you painstakingly raised will put you away in a home-
all for your benefit of course
die quietly
cause no one likes a scene
haunt freely,
it'll be the only time you'll get away with being annoying.

Where are you?

Where are you?
I miss you,
I called your name the other night
and you didn't answer
but I could see you
and so I called you again,
louder this time
and still you didn't answer
I fell asleep with your name on my tongue
dreams of you that left
as soon as I opened my eyes
I knew without having to look-
you were gone
and the wind had carried your name,
so I stood by the door
and when I mustered enough courage
I opened that door and let the wind
carry your memory too.
I no longer held claim to you
I could no longer see you,
I could not longer feel you,
you were gone-
the space you left sat empty for so long
until one day
I filled that space with a bookshelf
and housed on it all the books
I had never read,
all the words I wanted to learn
now housed forever beside me.

A maze of green

I saw it first
a bud on an otherwise dead branch
it was dry and twisted,
no life it breathed
and I watered the bud and spoke with everyday
had faith
and knew, that from that bud, new life
did shoot
over time, it grew and took
and soon the bud that grew,
grew new buds and stems
and from those stems,
branches and soon
that otherwise dead branch
housed a maze of green-
one day that maze
sprouted a new bud
yellow
and I watched
and watered
and spoke with it everyday
until one morning that yellow
bud, blossomed
and a perfectly formed
perfumed flower peeled back its
petals and stood to attention
in that maze of green

Black, wild river

I walked the bridge
and there you stood
as if you had waited for me
everyday we met,
never spoke
until that day the rain came
and the creek, turned into a river
and I stood stranded
and there you were on the other side
and I could see in your eyes
the pain
as I held onto the railing,
wild river,
black
tried to take me away
I held on for life
and still you stood
watching
until I could no longer hold
onto the railing-
the water swept me away
I held my breathe as I fought it
struggled to keep myself afloat
and that's when it happened-
you dove into the murky water
and swam, like I have never
seen anyone swim before
and you held me in your arms
and through the rain,
I heard you say-
if I am to go,
I'm glad it's with you
and I let myself go
and knew that we would be okay

A solitary life

I stand alone
graced with a dress of steel
beams
propped, holding me up
face exposed to the elements
no blush ever graces my cheeks
my glow reflects
extends far
I am a solitary figure
alone
feeling naught
fraught with the stares
of the eyes of the masses
the pointed fingers
they talk as if I cannot hear them
sometimes nice
most times not-
I hear it all
and sometimes wish
I was graced with no soul
that way I would not hurt
yet I cannot cry
in those times I feel the need too
I stand alone
solitary life is my punishment
though I am not alone
I wish for a life
I will never have
a life with others like me
they exist, I am sure
in a scrap yard
or factory waiting for me

The young Hero

The smell of death is in the air
pervading every pore
yet in the guts of the young
gallant
brave
a burst of excitement grows
the moon reflects on the sea
lights the path
and scurrying like ants
our heroes clamber the cove for cover
from the pellets raining down
young heroes
fallen heroes
what destiny awaits
souvenirs
tags
an old embroidered handkerchief for my mum
sent in a calico bag
with a number
may he rest in peace
gallant and brave
young hero
all on her Majesty’s embossed paper
addressed to the mother-
whose pride wasn’t much
begged him to stay
he was far too young
a mere boy
not old enough to shave
to drink
to vote
to drive-
still a boy,
her boy-her child
she didn’t want him to go
her conscience
forever her pain.

The letter A

I knew your name
many years ago,
it began with an A,
capital A, proud and strong
sphere like A-
like Angel,
Amelia,
yet it wasn't one of those,
and then I woke one morning
the sun beat down,
your bed had gone cold
you were gone,
yet everything remained,
soon your memory followed,
your name did not,
pass my lips-
I knew your name
and then,
I no longer did
it was an A though,
it was-
though it could have been another,
now-
I'm not so sure,
memories are faded,
yet everything remains
I knew your name once,
and now I don't,
I no longer need to,
do I...

An ode

Fallen
reverent
angel
never
callous
endless
sight
calm
opponent

Cancerous
revelry
insolent
selfish
poignant
order

Why?

Precious heart

Precious heart that pains
I keep in a big black box,
when days are dark
and haunting,
latched,
chained,
hidden it stays.

Precious heart that weeps
I dry the cascade of tears,
red silk handkerchief gathers the drops
until in the sun it dries,
splotchy faded,
scrap of silk,
for that day they fall again.

Precious heart that soars
I keep it on a string,
and let it fly far away,
to bask the world in
understanding and
sympathy,
then I reel it in.

Precious heart that guides me
in times when I am lost,
Kept close to my chest,
hand upon its beat
constant,
strong,
unyielding.

Oh precious heart that breaks
pieces scattered lost
gingerly,
I gather them,
pick them one by one
but no amount of glue, or tape
can fix what's been undone.

Precious heart
most faithful,
you will never let me down,
in you I have every faith,
in you I have a friend,
together til eternity
together til the end.

The equlibrium that was

Wild life
wild hair
wild winds-
rage
tempers rage
when life throws a curve ball,
messes up the equilibrium that was,
and no longer exists-
no one saw,
no one said,
no one wanted-
but had not choice
stopped,
stooped to pick up the
pieces,
sweep up the mess,
mop up the tears,
they weren't wasted,
just not needed-
couldn't change anything
couldn't make a difference,
couldn't take it back-
wild life
wild hair
wild winds-
calm
down,
slowly.

Freedom feels like this

I am home,
in a cell
four walls, caving in
roof, closing in
life, closing down
in a cell
that leaves me gasping for  breath
leaves
me gulping for air-
that sticks to the inside of my mouth
and stays there,
I cannot swallow
it, leaden-it blocks my throat and then,
I raise my arms and feel it making it's way down
and I close my eyes and dream
of that place
that lets me stretch as far as I can
wide arms,
air filling my lungs,
my body, lets me float
to the sky,
in the great vastness
of time,
space
air
life.

Red dirt

Red dirt drapes the canvas of an otherwise harsh countryside
full of heartache
hard-work
hard-men,
women
nature's reward for pain and suffering
and hardship-
open the heavens,
tears fall to the ground
paint the earth here, red
paint the souls, red
like ancestors of this land-
those forgotten,
yet walked the same roads,
years ago-
felt the same heartache,
pain
suffering-
for a hard existence,
yet smiling, always smiling
into the face of their adversary-
Mother Nature,
fickle, sometimes cruel
time stands still in the vast expanse of land,
a myriad of colours,
that always begin and end with red
intermingled, the fruits of  labour,
lights the face of those that have-
pledged their love and their life to this land-
selfless souls, we thank you.

Sanity is golden

At night to the melody of planes overhead
a shower of debris
weary bodies sleep in fitful bursts
he huddles
beneath a raspy blanket
no cotton sheets, no pillow
memories of yesterday
remind him what he's lost
sky perpetually cloudy
no threat of rain in sight-
but casings, shells and metal parts
mixed with human blood and bone
the songs that play during the day
not much better than at night
an accompaniment to the cries
that continue all the time
sanity is golden here-
dearer than diamonds or gold
no need for treasures here, where
value is not their own
skeletons walk the streets
scavenging for life
yesterday indulgence
today endurance
to melodies and songs
that he wishes would end
so he could pack his soul
and send it back home
and leave his shell,
battered and bruise here
to mark his stay in a desolate
land of death

Solitary word

Solitary
pale moon light
guiding, guiding
destination unknown
no ties to this land
no name he wishes to remember
solitary soul
guides his determination
to get to where he needs to be
nameless place
for a nameless man
to start all over again
fresh page
pure white
untouched
solitary word
to begin the story
from the beginning
or it could be the end
on a solitary journey
under a pale moon light
guiding
guiding
him home.

Colour coded life

In death-
there is life
colour coded
black death
white light
for every breath,
someone suffers
the affects
for every smile
clouds loom
grey rain falls-
baptises souls to feel anew
for every being
one ceases to exist
more important, no
less justified,
for every word spoken
another is immortalised
in a book,
gathering dust, that no one will ever
read, or remember
for every suffering
there is a rainbow of hope
a ray of sunshine-
how cliche'
colour coded
life
death
black
white
shaded
tinted
for every one

Little rag doll

A rag doll would have been picked up
would have been cuddled,
held close,
kissed
a rag doll would have been looked after
consoled
touched, ever so slightly on her brow
yet you weren't a rag doll,
but a little girl
with a life to live
still innocent,
carefree
waiting to discover the wonders of life,
the cruelty of people,
whom you may have seen everyday
waved your little hand to,
smiled at,
giggled with,
even accepted a treat from-
yet where were they?
walked by,
glanced quickly
to capture the image,
yet walked
and walked and did not look back
cold
cruel world
electronic devises
at fingertips,
no one thought to
text, call
what conscience lets you sleep
at night...
callous,
cold
hard
world, why?
a little rag doll would have been picked up,
why weren't you...

Scientific days

Artificial life
leads to artificial death
was what she said-
made a baby in a science lab
no daddy present,
brown hair,
green eyes-
musical,
not sporty-
artificial bits mixed with her bits
made an artificial life-
that grew inside her artificial belly-
til it was done
made a time
at the place-
and soon enough,
brown hair,
green eyes-
musical,
not sporty
came home
to her plastic covered house
and her sanitisers
and disinfectants
sterile,
artificiality
life-made in a science lab
for an added accessory-
the hottest thing this season.

The seconds that change

Seconds change everything
life to death
happiness to pain
good to bad
cliched, sad-seconds change
which road to take, to greater things, or not
ballot box mistakes
end in heartache
greater than imagined-
seconds change
curses, words said
cannot be read, unsaid
seconds change
who knows, secrets told
solved, delved, held-
seconds change
things done
bridges burned, no one learns
signs overturned-
seconds change
going back, giving back
throwing back, the seconds that change...

Yesterdays news

Yesterday
the wind blew
the newspaper under the bench
headline news
dead people
like it was news and it only just
just now
just for the news-existed
where have you been hiding?
People dead-
people dying
people being killed
everyday,
moment,
second-
that you and I
live, breathe
someone dies-yesterday
the sun shone
and the bottle peeping through
the brown paper bag
glared right into my eye
and that man-
with his entire world stacked in the old
shopping trolley, with the wheel that got
stuck, picked it up
and drank from it,
right there for everyone to see
and then threw it down-
in disgust
with himself,
with the bottle-
it was empty-yesterday
I sat at the park, just watching
watching
designer label mums
walking with designer label prams-
with their designer label babies
eyeing off each other behind designer label glasses
all the while,
the babies crawled through the sand pit
and licked sandy fingers,
while their designer label mums
tried desperately to open the Huggies wipes container-yesterday
the wind blew
the newspaper under the bench
away,
no one cared
about the yesterdays news

Forgotten faces

A little girl walks the street
dim lit streets searching
for the life she knew
once had
saw shards of glass
that were once stained colour patterned glass
stumps of burnt out trees
remembering a time
when they lined the streets
many the times she seeked shelter
from the sweltering sun
walked passed shop fronts
signs hanging precariously
in her mind's eye
she sees the fruiterer cutting
sweet tasting watermelon
offering her the pink flesh
juice dripping as she walks by
holding a woman's hand-
her mothers she thinks,
though forgotten is her face
wondering where time went,
wondering why they are the forgotten ones
promised great things
yet all that remains is dirt,
dust,
debris
of broken buildings
broken people
attuned to the flies
and rotting corpses of those who
never made it
old-
young-
bound by a vision that was not their own
propelled by circumstance
not of their chosing
walks through streets
that are no more
and wonders of a life where
all remained the same

Old letters

We wrote letters once
took the time to pick the stationery
wrote in our best writing
checked spelling,
grammar-
wrote pages and pages of news,
the birth of a child
the death of a loved one
the marrying of young lovers
we wrote letters once
to council members,
politicians,
new friends
old friends
we wrote letters once
sprayed the paper with perfume
for lovers
sprinkled rose petals
in the envelope
or a photograph
for someone we'd never met
but hoped too-
one day
we wrote letters
and posted them with angst
then waited every day after-
checked the letter box
once, twice in a day
every day-
until,
finally-finally
a letter in reply
with new news
of the death of someone we knew,
or not
the birth of a child
the union of two lovers-
we wrote letters once
and savoured them
relished in them
we wrote letters once
the ones we received
bound by velvet ribbons
in old hat boxes,
shoe boxes
decoupaged boxes
that sat at the bottom of the wardrobe
and every so often,
we would pull out the letters and
reread them
one at a time
each letter taking us back to the time
it was received
we wrote letters once

Before dawn

I take the time-
though just this once
to-
wake up one morning
before dawn-
before the sun has even opened it's eyes
to let in light,
warm up the air-
while the air is still crisp
birds still sleep
so does the neighbour's cat-
the dog
and the old man who lives alone
I take that walk
I always said I would
while everyone slept
and saw-
what I thought I never would
dew on leaves
blades of grass standing tall-
proud
like that new statue just put up in the town's square
like the bridge I drive over every day to get
to work
which I hate
and there's not much I do hate
hate isn't really a word I use
dislike, perhaps
detest
yet I veer from the path
and I continue eyes open
to the lonely rubbish bins
lined up all in a row,
coloured lids-
mocking the bin still standing in the driveway
in a corner-
no recycling this week
no green waste
just pure hard rubbish-
landfill
oh how I'd love to fill someone's mouth like
land fill-
polluted with reason,
rather than not
like the lady with the curlers in her
hair that lives on the corner of the street and
shrieks at the children as they ride their
scooters,
or the man with the manicured lawn
that curses as passersby
accidentally walk on his lawn
so I take the time to walk on his lawn
stamp in places here and there-
my foot prints look as if made by shoes twice
the size of mine
I twist a little and then feel bad
when I see the once proud blades of grass
squished to a not so lush bed of green
I walk
I walk
I walk
and see through morning eyes
my world and think
it doesn't get much better than this
unless of course
I didn't have to drive over that bridge
to get to a place
I don't like
or hear that lady shriek at the kids
or hear that man curse

Faded black ink

Scene one-
chapter one-
faded black ink
old stain
hot coffee,
one day long ago-
back track- page nineteen
fast forward- one hundred and fifty,
no- one hundred and fifty one
really, are you sure?
Yes-
live pause,
no remote needed
for a week or two-
over and over, faded black ink
more so here- then
back to the beginning-
no ad breaks
a list- of scenes
words come alive-
places visited
internal are my thoughts-
I can see,
I am there
and when I'm done
like an old faithful friend-
there-
there, at arms length
a place in my home,
pride of place-
dog eared
bent, weathered, out of shape
but still mine
old faithful friend of mine

Ode to Emily Dickinson

You couldn’t wait for life-
She aggressively went with you-
It was just us
and death.

You walked fast- She walked faster
I left everything-
my freedom and my work,
for her rudeness-

I stood before a prison,
watching prisoners at play-
I stood before the barbed wire-
I stood until the night-

As I stood, She stood too-
The night was calm and still-
Her gown floated gently-
Her downfall, wire mesh-

I walked passed a shack
succumbing to the ground-
the walls stood firmly-
the roof had fallen down-

Now, I wait for tomorrow
it is longer- than today
She carries with her always
my life- my dreams- my eternity.

Haiku

Heart entangled
Stolen kisses under stars
and all for what

Fall in love

Fall in love, my mamma said to me
one day as we sat under the orange tree
fall in love
head over heels
and know that breathless feeling
heart skipping beats
hands sweating
fall in love, my sweet

Marry like a princess, my sister said to me
on night as we lay upon my bed
daydreaming of the day
lace and satin
white roses, orchids too
in a castle, stone walls
sweet smelling vines
candle lit and glowing

Have beautiful bonny babies, my father said to me
as we sat atop the rusted bonnet
of the car he loved to fix
beautiful bonny babies
curly hair and chubby cheeks
rosy red lips
that'll call me pa
and laugh at all my jokes

Fall in love...

What's the point

What's the point of many things-
wear your heart on your sleeve
like a fool-
a jester in a royal court
made to laugh at
when you're all alone at night
what's the point
of singing songs
when the words don't match the tune
flat is the melody
there is no soul
what's the point
when you've given your all
and still it's not enough
the pain still lingers
you reach to grasp
what was never there in the first place
what's the point
of walking through
a park where children play
when you're too big for the jungle gym
and you don't fit in the swing anymore
what's the point
of splashing in the water
when all you get is stares
from the geriatrics doing their water aerobics
the swim teachers helping
kids float
what's the point
when you can't say what you want-
need to say
afraid to offend,
to hurt,
to out the proverbial foot in your mouth
what's the point...

The other night

The other night I floated through the air
barely breathing
ash covered what was once a family of trees
Paper barks, Gums, Silver birches-
all cohabitating, sharing, living
even the native grasses and ferns in their umbrella haven-
curled their leaves, scared,
hiding from the tarring intoxicating bits of debris
that floated freely and settled in their crevices,
suffocating them,
it was only a matter of time.
I floated on-
no colour visible,
flowers a thing of the past-
I do not remember what they looked like
the Roses, Poppies, Irises,
I do not remember
where they were found-
yet somewhere in the chambers locked deep
away
I remember their names.
I remember-
the hum of the bees in summer time
their pestilence, I missed in the gardens when the sun shone
and the petals encased the sweet nectar they fed on-
sought
the lark, chirp, tweet
an annoyance as I lay on the carpet of grass
oh-how I missed them all
sweet perfumed air-
bottled, how I wish someone had
for this time that was inevitable
this time no one truly believed would come.
The other night I floated through the air
and under cover I heard the muffled
struggling
sad eternal cry
of a world destroyed
a people suffering
a mass of regret
I was one
of those who closed my eyes
wished the problems would become someone else’s
never believed we were being told the truth-
yet never doing anything to find out what the truth was.
The other night I floated through the air
and the tears I cried, bathed the world,
washed away the sins of those here before us,
washed away the selfishness,
the hypocrisy,
the egotism,
the politics
and what was left was brand new again.

Summer glow

Sun kissed
summer glow
on their faces
broad smiles
all around
sandy feet
sand wedged
where sand should not
carefree
careless
laughter, building castles
building memories
layer upon layer
of sand and sea
sun and shells
cannot be contained in a frame
etched in mind
it'll never be again
today
with sun kisses
sun tans
sun burn
forever times
in one day
summer time
summer fun
summer glow

The truth

I am she, my voice is loud
who is that, called in reply
the one you seek, the one must die
and yet, I cannot-for I am proud

and yet, I cannot-for I am proud
though my voice is not, I said
the charges here, must be read
in clear voice and out aloud

in clear voice and out aloud
I will object, though, I am she
it was all for-my love of he
and all for this, I remain enshroud

and all for this, I remain enshroud
kill me though, if you must
yet, gathered round, all people trust
know that you will lose this crowd

know that you will lose this crowd
and in suffering you will be
for I am one, a lonely me
and these voices will stand forever loud

and these voices will stand forever loud
no longer blind or meek
I know the truth, this thing they seek
the one thing I always vowed

Copper missiles

With my name
upon its copper tip
I plead in silence
pray with fervour
for a bad shot
a gust of wind-
for one final miracle
salvation
this is not how I wished it to be
in motion slow
I watch, eyes wide
and know that this is how it must end
no silent pleading
fervent prayer
bad shot
or wind to blow
the copper missile
with my name upon its
body length it's time
I shut my eyes
and my life flashes forth-
for all those I felled
without thought of consequence
it's my time to say goodbye-
yet will I leave
a void in time
a lasting memory?

The calm quiet night

I call out into the night
the calm quiet
night
the black cold
night
I call and hear nothing
no noise
no reply
in the calm quiet
night
in the black cold
night
not even an echo
to mark my existence
to know I am there
yet-
I am there
standing alone
I call out louder still
pleading for reply
recognition-
I exist
I am
hear my call
where does it travel
to foreign places
solitary places
the calm quiet
night
the cold black
night
I am here
please hear my call

The young hero

The smell of death is in the air
pervading every pore
yet in the guts of the young
gallant
brave
a burst of excitement grows
the moon reflects on the sea
lights the path
and scurrying like ants
our heroes clamber the cove for cover
from the pellets raining down
young heroes
fallen heroes
what destiny awaits
souvenirs
tags
an old embroidered handkerchief for my mum
sent in a calico bag
with a number
may he rest in peace
gallant and brave
young hero
all on her Majesty’s embossed paper
addressed to the mother-
whose pride wasn’t much
begged him to stay
he was far too young
a mere boy
not old enough to shave
to drink
to vote
to drive-
still a boy,
her boy-her child
she didn’t want him to go
her conscience
forever her pain.

Candle light

Candle light
flickers
casts a glow
silhouettes your frame
and through the window
across the way
a shadow
sits staring into the night
dreaming, with
eyes open
of roses red
perfumed sweet
white damask
table cloth
pewter table ware
porcelain
crystal
all in a silhouette
of candle light
and in the bedroom
all alone
she dreams of him-
tall
dark
handsome
cliched-
bathed in the glow
of candle light

Invisible cloak

An invisible cloak
any colour
none you can see-
could be red
could be yellow,
blue
whatever colour
you-
I-
may like
want
but I don't think about the colour
I don't think about much
just that you cannot see me
when I wear it
I'm like a super hero
a phantom,
a ghost
and that's what I like-
I'm invisible
to you
as I walk by-
I wish I could fly,
or have some other super powers
and there you are
with her
and I'd use my powers to make her disappear
and you would have eyes
just
for
me

Vegas lights

Vegas lights, promise me a good time
great time
Vegas lights
light up dark nights, hard nights
Vegas nights-know how to make me smile nights
cry nights,
drink nights,
scream nights
Vegas lights-
show nights
Elvis nights,
Celine nights
magical nights
with Vegas lights-
lighting up the stage night
Vegas lights, make you want-
more nights
less nights,
in those Vegas lights
Vegas nights, turn into day lights
never dark nights, with Vegas lights
sunglasses nights
Vegas lights, desert nights with
Vegas lights
Vegas nights, Vegas lights
all the world loves
Vegas lights-
Vegas nights

Ships and Rockets

I knew this man once
who dreamed dreams
with his eyes open
spectacular dreams in colour
splendid dreams that made me wonder
clowns on stilts, while juggling flames sticks
babies with wings
with bow and arrow
shooting strangers, falling in love
great box tanks, that flattened ranks
throwing food and water to the poor
I knew this man once
beard unkept, rags filthy
who dreamed dreams
while sitting in the park
and the sun shone-
the breeze was cool
and all our children would be learning in school
and he dreamed of ships and rockets
that would fly you away
to a land where you'd be free to stay
and laugh and dance
sing and shout
and no other person would be about
freedom would be for
all humanity, there would be no cause
for death and disease
this man who dreamed dreams
he wish he'd see
these dreams he dreamed
play into reality

That bottle will kill you

That bottle will kill you she says every night
as he sits on the porch, swigging straight from the bottle
he answers in his slurred voice-
this bottle can't kill me, it's empty
he reaches for another
in an old cooler that sits by his side
mark my words, she continues to  say-
that bottle will kill you-
one day
mind your business, he answers with angst
or sure as the sun rises up,
I'll throw this bottle straight at your head
and that'll be that
such terms of endearment, she retorts
though once in her memory there were
long before he took to the bottle
long before they were old and aged
times were different-
warm hearty smiles,
sweet tasting kisses
that bottle will kill you, that's all I will say
and that's all she said,
one time too many
the warning was there
not quick enough to move
as the bottle flew threw the air,
she was gone before she hit the floor-
that bottle,
that bottle,
damn woman,
why couldn't you let it go...

Little steps

Little steps will get you there
tire you less
may take longer-
but big steps
faster
quicker
make you oblivious of the things around you
little things
don’t matter as individual things-
yet do in the whole scheme of things
the bigger picture
little steps make light work
leave you feeling refreshed
big steps tire you
leave you panting-
out of breathe
sore feet
missing scenes,
missing moments
you cannot have again-
little steps
one little step
by one little step
lead you to somewhere new
always

This thing

Clambered
atop a mountain of dreams
scurried
across a field of thoughts-
fleeting thoughts
that blew in the wind
scaled a cliff
of past regrets
crumbling-
breaking underfoot
swam through an ocean
tangled with reeds
and lies
and broken promises
paddled through a life
that dragged me down
into a muddy bog
all for this thing
called love

White noise

Background noise
white noise
crackling sound-
mumbled voices
leave me stuck in the moment
cannot think
with this noise
open my mouth to speak
yet can't with all this static
sound
incoherent
murmuring
want to shut it out-
blank it out
white it out
can't
and so I open my mouth
silent
words there-
I plea
I beg
I cry
and still
background noise
loud
so loud-
shut it off
reduce the volume-
yet still it echoes
gets louder still
until-
I block my ears
stifle the sound
and open my mouth
to free my words
is anyone listening...

Eyes open

Unaware
stumbled into-
what is this
thing
walked right into
chaos
hands held high
thought I’d give it a go
for once-
how wrong
how right
didn’t think
or did I-
didn’t know
didn’t see-
or did I
until the pillars gave in
crashed down
left me struggling
to find my footing
balanced
in an abyss-
but
everyone knows
you can’t
hold onto something
that isn’t
wasn’t ever there

The dreams, I dream

My feet red raw and blistered
no socks on my feet
too big shoes scuff my ankles,
blistered toes
wrapped in scraps and rags,
dirty
I cannot sit for long-
waiting for him to come in
and then I will be in trouble if caught
he does not like us sitting
not doing anything
no time for rest
or even a drink-
so thirsty
tired
I see the little girl
that comes in with him
every now and then
pretty dresses
curly hair
red rosy cheeks
ankle socks with little bows
patent shoes
she gives me sweets
when he isn’t looking
brightly wrapped
paper-
sugary sweet
creamy centres
I bite a little-to make them last
and when I get to close
my eyes,
I dream I am the little girl

At what cost

The difference between manipulative and coy-
I'll give you my mirror
you won't have to look too hard
to deep,
I think you already know
you play the game so well-
foolhardy with people's emotions
toss feelings
not your own
careless disregard
impatient to another's affections-
what warrants your self importance
indulgent for your own amusement
why-
insecure?
unloved?
unbalanced?
disregarded?
I'll give you my mirror...

Through new eyes

Why are you staring at me
me-
staring
why do you ask
why do you stare
at who
at me-
you stare,
I see you stare
I wonder what there is to see
at what
at me-
why
why what-
why do you stare I ask,
stare at you
stare at me, yes why
I don't know...

Passage through time

My head's a mess
noises
noises
everywhere
noises
in my head
out
lights flash
hurt my eyes
lights everywhere
flashing
obscenely
no more lights
people jostling
scurry
hurry
this way
that
too many people
jostling
am I invisible
do I exist
time ticks
no one thinks
to slow down
breathe
take your time
look around
see the world
until
one day
there are no more
noises
lights
people
time
gone

Building blocks

Steel framework
holds me up
concrete pillars
erect
building blocks that I depend on
rely on
to support
me
stitching small
invisible thread
patched
woven
threaded blocks enclosing
enveloping
keeping me warm
held
glued
pieces together
joined as one entire
piece-fit together
not quite
yet still hold
it doesn't matter
about the gaps-
they make things real
believable
a bit like life really...

In brief

Caught up
caught out
caught on
to what-
would she say
he say
they say-
not a chance
not a thought
not a worry

This story of life

Call me
your voice will carry through the wind
and I'll be waiting
by the window with heart in my hand

Feel me
your hand will touch me with tenderness
my body will quiver with
anticipation

Love me
your heart will guide me through life
will light my path
and I'll be yours forever

Damaged

Upon the ground it lays
broken
she walks in holds her breath then screams
broken
gingerly she picks up the pieces
pricks herself and curses
broken

She lays the pieces one by one
upon the table
jagged edges
jagged heart
pieces to put together
her blood bright
drop by drop


She holds tight her finger
the flow of blood
the jagged pieces
forgotten now
outside she hears the birds
she listens as they call
smiles to herself

jagged pieces
jagged heart
hear her plea

I am...

I am your thoughts
the wind whispers
loud, ragged, angry
when you cannot voice how you feel
can you not hear me speak
inside your head,
waiting to be freed

I am your heart
the sun says
warm, cosy, shining
all those feelings you hold inside
bursting to get out
can you not hear me pound your chest
burning bright

I am your soul
the sea says
cascading, flowing, pure
when there is nothing left
but your empty shell
I will be what carries you forth
never-ending to freedom

Half way line

There's this line
sometimes invisible
not marked in chalk or ink
not like a sprint track
nor like a basketball court
just an imaginary line
that you just cannot cross-
it's the way it is,
the way it has always been
you may not have ever been told why-
but generally you don't have to be
you just know
and so-
you stand at it's edge
you can't help it-
you tempt fate,
just a little
dangle your foot in the air-
wonder how far you can extend it,
before you know you've gone too far
but, eventually you put it right back down
again
and stare
and wonder why-
you can't cross a line
you can't even see-
but know
is there
even when it's not

Nothing special

I am nothing special
made of blood and bone
I have nothing more or less important to say
I command no attention
I sit and listen
take things in
have time for those I love
even for those I don't
I am nothing special
I bleed
I cry
I sing-occasionally well, most times not
I sit in the background
happy to watch others take centre stage
I sometimes smile when I don't want too
sometimes cry when alone
I am nothing special
though I like to believe
there are people that think me so
well a little
I am nothing special
though what I have around me
is

Say...

Say said the deaf man
Fingers splayed, palms upright
Can you tell me of the rain
The noise it makes as it falls
upon my face

Say said the heavens
I can tell you that
It's rampant and vengeful
cascading down

Say said the blind man
can you tell
me what it looks like
as it falls from the sky

Angry said the heavens
pelting
fat drops
full and wet, sweet and fresh
showering, reinventing, re-birthing

Say said the old man
as he watched both men
Can you tell me of the rain-
I have forgotten how it feels

I can said the blind man-
I can said the deaf man-
It is something that we know well
you can hear it
you can feel it-
close your eyes,
splay your hands
catch the drops
one by one

Seams

Many lives hidden
many lives undone
at the seams
of life’s great big coat
strings unraveled
one by one
by promises kept
and secrets hidden
a fall from grace
a last insult
as you sit in your tower
and watch the world through
rose coloured glasses
haughty
supercilious
pompous-
how quickly you forgot
black book hidden
history repeats
and repeats
not to be forgot
no matter how deeply buried
rose coloured glasses
eventually break
and through the cracks-
you'll see what everyone else does

Things that get lost

Wait a moment,
don't walk so fast
I think I knew you
once upon a time
but I didn't see you up close
and so I can't be sure
that you were the person I once knew
your hair is different
your clothes too-
but then again, that's not too hard to change
you weren't smiling-
but then again, you weren't one for smiles
and happy things
was it you,
I wish I could call out your name
but I can't-
it got lost somewhere near the top of my throat
and worked it's way back down-
some things should be left
as they are-
so you keep walking
and I'll stay wondering-
some things you don't need to know
I suppose...

Dear dad

Born of you
not from you-
I stare in the mirror and see
my eyes-
see differently, yet are coloured like yours
hazel
warm
glazed when fuelled-
by anger
surprise, or whatever may be

Born of you
not from you-
I share your name
my name-
but not for long, it was borrowed
time
now I have a new name,
not yours
not really mine either
borrowed

Born of you
not from you-
I speak like you
or not-
quiet
brooding
hawk eyes watching
slow to anger,
words thought
not wasted on frivolity

Born of you
not from you-
there is no other
I wish to have-
as the one who has watched me grow
watched me fall in love
walked me down the aisle-
with silent tears
as my own was born
a hero in my eyes and heart forever

Only in a word

Drugs-
denounce death
tax and
corrupting
politicians-
causing grief with
their fake words and
insincere forms of
political correctness
patronising behind
their Colgate smiles
while camera’s flash
in their faces
and on tonight’s news
we’ll throw our hands up at
the television
swearing profanities
while in their homes
they’ll laugh
at having once
again foiled us with
embellished truths
to suit-
their lies
to cover-
and we’ll sit with
children who’ll ask
why
and the answers will be there
yet we won’t know what
to say-
teaching them that
lies are evil
sins
punishable
yet it’s okay
to let the world hear
theirs...

A list of love

Heart brims over
when he smiles
eyes light up
and warms me from the inside out
radiating-
envelope me
keep me close
in a cocoon
growing
giddy
glad-
moments like these,
holding you close
arms to hold
to protect
to keep-
lips on mine, sweet tasting
breath of life
of love
cannot describe anymore
happiness in abundance
only when I’m with you

Lasting regrets

Sometimes lady-
loves to feel
the air upon her skin
light breeze that makes her hair ruffle
pretending she is young
sometimes

sometimes girl-
skips through the park
when no one else is looking
she smiles
feels carefree
and forgets about home
sometimes

sometimes man-
loosens his tie
sits on the bench down the street
wonders how long he can pretend
while watching people
as they walk by
sometimes

sometimes boy-
hides in his room
sits behind the door and cries
when the voices get too loud
something crashes to the floor
and then he hears her cry
sometimes

sometimes family-
packs the car
with the same half smiles
the journey long
they all retreat
wishing they were elsewhere
sometimes

sometimes pain-
wreaks the body and soul
leaves it feeling weak
clouds the mind
closes eyes
wishes for the end
sometimes

The right words

Unravelled like a ball of string
a verbal barrage of angry words
cascading waterfalls of letters
falling free
pooling in a dead sea
gathering form and meaning
upon the shore
with net and rod
gathering them up
one by one
piecing them together
winding words to form some meaning
in a ball kept in a basket
in a basket where they are read-
reaching in
one by one
finding words that fit
in colours that complement
in ways in which they're meant

Passing

I hear crying as I lay in bed
wailing
deep anguish
a gutteral sound
cannot be consoled
I dig myself further under my covers
I try and block the sound
tears seep from my eyes,
I don’t understand why
I see her so sad
I feel her pain
I want to take make it better,
she doesn’t notice.

She wears black to show her sorrow
she wears black to show her grief
she wants to be noticed
her pain is on display
people pass her by and whisper
she is so young
it is so unfair
this thing called life
fickle and short
and so damn hard.
she wears black.

Dear old man

It came addressed-
to the old man
who lived in the house by the park
the house with the shingle roof-
chipped paint, overgrown hedge
broken front fence
from that time, long ago

It was in a blue envelope-
postmarked from a land
across the sea
far away
he did not know the place
had never heard of it
never knew it existed

yet it did-
and here he was
with the proof in his hand
the tears welled in his eyes
he wiped them with his coat
held fast to the letter
lest it blow away in the wind

Old man it read on the first line
I hope this finds you well-
life is good
I am well
it's been a while-
so long in fact
I hope you can forgive me

he put it down-
held his breath
before he could continue
how much it hurt
when he remembered
but, it was time-
to end it

and so he read-
dear old man,
I know I badly hurt you
yet I could see, what you could not
I was never what you wanted
I caused you pain
I know that now-

I wish I could
take it back
but you and I know that cannot be
I hope one day
when time has healed
your wounds
and mine together

I will return
across the sea
to be back home beside you
I hope that you
will understand how much it hurt to leave you
and in your open arms I'll run
and stay forever with you

You know this song

I see you when I close my eyes
at night
I see you when I am down
smile from the inside out
moments apart
moments forever-
neverending
I count the minutes
count the hours
cannot count the days
for they are too long-
hurt too much
leave me longing
and so-
I close my eyes
and dream of you
I close my eyes
and smile
my heart beats faster
sweaty palms
I write your name on the shower pane
invisible until the steam
reveals what I have written-
so I close my eyes
and I see you
I close my eyes
and I feel you
and when I lay in bed at night
I reach across
and know you

Forgotten dreams

Beggars kneeling in tattered rags
blackened nails
hands outstretched
the stench of failure
their perfume
or was it society that let them down
used and stripped
and then spat out
among the crowds who walk on by
close their eyes
hold their hand across their face
and with the other
hold tight to their bags
their chests
their souls
should conscience call
compassion too-
for beggars
that walked our streets
lived in our homes
held onto dreams-
that were never theirs
and slowly life reached over
and took those dreams
one by one
by one
by one-
until one morning there was nothing left
except the clothes they wore
the shoes on their feet
that soon wore down
and the clothes on their backs
weathered
and nothing much was left
but the tattered
rags and the empty dreams
of beggars
on the street
that no one looked at
no one saw
no one wished to be

Fickle love

Called your name
let it blow in the breeze
carried it away to a land
across the sea
scattered in the wind
letters floating by
caught by a little boy who was
playing in the park-
with his dad
reached up and caught
your i
my l
o
v
e
then let it go-
one letter at a time
you he yelled
as I walked by
did you lose something
yes
I called back-
voice shrill
letters in the breeze
I watched them as they continued
up
and up
toward the clouds
formed again
united and then
the rain began to fall-
or were they my tears...

Sometimes grace

Sometimes grace
leaves me feeling empty
incomplete
cheated-
caught in a void
of nothingness
something meaningless
sometimes slight
sometimes grace
is a let down
more out of duty
than compassion
stale and recycled
but-
sometimes grace
can lead to things
that open our eyes
see truths
and things
rewarding and rich
sometimes grace
old fashioned
and just
sometimes grace
profound and deep

A curse, not heard

He cursed the day-
she was born
banging doors to be heard
cursed day
cursed child
blamed it on the woman
who he never should have taken in
cursed baby
pink and chubby-
cried when she was born
cried when she should have slept
day,
night,
while he tried to sleep
pillow wrapped around his head
not enough to muffle the sound
cried-
after feeding
before
while he sat down with his meal
cursed crying child
cried-
after bathing
before
he wished for a deeper pail to bathe her
cursed child,
he did
born on a day that was cursed
cursed the rain
that fell in a never ending stream
while he toiled in the field
cursed the thunder that cracked through
the sky
cursed the lightning
that danced
cursed the harvest that was lost
cursed the moon that was hidden
the night he planted
that seed

Looking at you, looking at me

Caught a glimpse of you
the other day
saw the way you looked
at him
while he-
looked at her
with that look of disdain
disgust
patronising look,
and then you turned-
saw me,
looking at you
looking at him
looking at her
and you gave me that-
co conspirators
half smile
half nod thing you do
and all I wanted to do-
was walk away
erase that day
we first met
and you said hello-
walk away
all the way
out of your life
without turning back

Where were they?

Beside his mother, with his eyes closed
he takes his last breath
around him, the walls crumble
as the next bomb explodes-glass shatters
people scream
his mother throws herself upon him
shrieking in fervent prayer
she does not know he has already left this world
for another that isn’t falling apart-

beside his sister, holding her hand
he watches her wipe her eyes
as the shot rings out and they fall to the ground
black gun aims-ready to reshoot
he closes his eyes,
little do they know, he has already left this world for the
one he visits in his mind
where the grass is green, the sun shines
and his parents are still alive

beside the stranger, he shivers with fright
he watches him groan with pleasure
around him nameless photographs
of children, pinned to the wall
a television plays a movie he doesn’t want to watch again
that boy in the movie-
wearing no clothes, crying silently
but little does the man know, he won’t ever be that boy again
he will find his peace, be strong, live again

beside the dead, he throws his gun to the floor
raises his hands to his head and falls to his knees
kicked to the ground-
he sees them clearly, his mind is clear once more
he wished it hadn’t come to this,
he wished he could have let it go-
but then he remembers all the pain
and all the times he pleaded for help
where were they?

Full Moon

Shining pale, silver ball
chants to you, ancient songs
curses the sea
and the land
the woman who lays alone in bed-
prays by her window
in her native tongue,
to the moon who mocks her
yet she prays-
for the family who lives in the village
whose corn cannot be harvested
whose children will go to bed hungry
and lay awake through the night
and stare from their window, with a growl in their belly
and offer their own little prayer
for the little girl who lives-
way, away across the sea
who they don’t know-have never met
yet watched her on the screen
with tubes and lines stuck in and on
the little girl with the sad smile
is dying from what-
no one knows,
what a cruel act of fate
and as that little girl takes breath
through machines that help her so,
she looks out upon that ball of light
and wishes for everyone to know-
the Moon dear friends
can make or not
good things
bad things
all things, the Moon
is such-
you either want or wait
to fill, or leave
but know
as sure as chants and prayers and songs
are offered right way round the world-
the Moon is a sure certainty
shining pale-silver
round and full
it’s presence you will know.

Pages of Yesterday: Loneliness

Pages of Yesterday: Loneliness

Loneliness

            Black is the day I wake up to

            black is the day I sleep through

            quiet the blackness-

            that makes time go by
            heavy, oppressing, beating me down
            til nervous, on edge,
            I finally succumb
            I sleep through the black
            one eye open and one looking through
            black windows   
            black doors
            black rooms
            black dreams
            to wake up to a new black day
            and do it all again
            envelopes me in this black shroud
            and somewhere in my mind
            I think of grey,
            and wonder
            grey days to wake up to
            grey days to sleep through
            with one eye open and one looking through
            grey windows
            grey doors
            grey rooms
            grey dreams
            would I feel less lonely...
           

That day

Tomorrow marks the day she said
and wiped a tear from her eye
tomorrow's pain will be anew
she said
yet he continued by-
are you listening, she continued
no, I'm really not
I am hurting, can't you see
no, was all he said
she watched him walk through the door
like she had watched him once before
wrapped herself tighter still
and knew what was in store
hours slowly come to pass
until he'd stumble through
then on the battered couch he'd sit
and have a couple more
until he settled into oblivion
unaware to all
the pain he'd mask would
all come out
together they'd cry some more

A single word

I cannot breathe
I gasp for air
I never thought it could be
with one single word
you broke my heart
it caved within my chest
it was written in word
it was written in the stars
this could never be
yet caught up I did
and never would think
I would be weeping
like a silly young girl
a puddle of tears
my feet getting wet
I suddenly opened my eyes
my heart will repair
the words I erase
the young girl
will disappear too

Beautiful things that dance in the night

I wandered upon a midnight field
with dancing shadows-
all dressed in black
danced to a tune I could not hear
graceful they waltzed
then took to the air
while there I walked with feather light shoes

A shower of light,
quite suddenly produced-
a star I caught as it fell
I held it gently, between my two hands
such beauty you’ve yet to see
shining it teased, mocking me slight
then drifted up back to the sky

I leapt to re catch it,
to not let it go-
we were caught in a dance of seduction
my legs gave, I was swept in mid stride
I floated with ease
I floated in peace
shadows protecting my path


from heaven I looked
down upon the field
such beauty, I cannot retell
from here I could see
such things, that before-
had made me blind
and quite lost

if ever, you feel
leaden a heart,
feelings of loneliness
and woe
remember the field
with shadows black cast
and dance with glee in your heart

Heartache knocks on their souls

Fire eternal, rages
in angst
fuelled by hate
violence and pestilence of souls
charred black
too evil to deem
to contemplate
believe-
that they once belonged
to anyone other than
the devil,
or anyone
anything
pertaining from
his seed
of lust
of greed
of desire
of want
of desire
of greed
of lust
from his seed
of the devil
or anyone else
on par
to fuel the fires
that rage in the
hearts of the lifeless
the dead
the empty carcasses
that no longer walk
but live among
the rose coloured
fresh faced
young, virgin youths
that walk in broad daylight
with hearts full of hope
to make dreams come true,
but only to be disappointed when
the fire flickers
and trails behind
and heartache knocks on their souls
to claim
their child once more

Silence

Shine bright,
golden trophy
unreachable upon the top shelf
won once long ago
I keep it there,
to remind me,
that-
my time is limited
before chaos
before mayhem
before mundane life takes over
again-
fields that stretch,
evergreen,
further than my eye can see
no need for deep breath
my body light
glides
in fields evergreen
to do what I want,
or not
just be,
in serenity
a clear mind
through fields
evergreen

Romeo & Juliet

Alas my love,
in true word spoken
how
I yearn for thee,
your scarlet lips
upon mine place
your hand
upon my heart-
it beats with an
incessant
boom,
attuned to thee
it feels
my love with raven
locks-
dishevelled as you may
to run my fingers
through
those locks
against your breast
I lean-
alas my love
forbidden are thee,
I declare, I vow to fight
for you within
this life- and through
all obstacles
beside me
you will one day
stand
as sure as air-
I breathe

Pantoum

Writing words I long to say
laden with my every thought
upon the page, come what may
internal rage, I have fought

Laden with my every thought
sometimes life can be so cruel
destiny cannot be bought
nor learned in class, back at school

Sometimes life can be so cruel
blanked out pages, I don't like
memories that I will fuel
words I write will change my psyche

Blanked out pages, I don't like
pages seeping from its spine
now on stage, where is my mike
words complete, I know they're mine

Why?

Why-
did you leave
did you go
did you do,
the things you did

Why-
did you say
did you want
did you feel
the need to hurt,
me...

Riding waves

Catch a wave
gonna ride it all the way to the other side
of the world
and when I get there
there will be no one to see
so, I'll catch a wave
right back home again
and I'm sure
no one will have even noticed
that I was gone
catching waves
riding waves
to the other side

My suitcase

A life of me
in a suitcase, kind of sad
really-
one suitcase
a little black dress
red stilettos
heavy coat
purple scarf
an old battered book
with my thoughts
and I am done
not much else
that I have,
that means that much
that I'll want to take-
kind of sad
really-
a couple of old black and white prints
ripped
faded
kind of like my life
kind of sad, you say
really-
maybe more
maybe less than what other people have
at least I have
my suitcase

One word too many

Can't take back, what's already been said
a moment of anger,
a lasting regret
too late for-
I'm sorry,
when the damage has been done
back turned walking away
leave me standing
thinking,
why...
caught in a moment
of despair
or was it just a total misunderstanding
I'll never know
too late to take it back
too late to start again
too late
too late
damn monotonous tune
playing over
and over again-
no one to blame, but me
no one to point a finger at-
but me
too late,
again-
it's too late...