Red Tears Stain

History’s pages repeat
red tears stain
the red earth
the green plains
the untouched tribes forgotten
hoping to be forgot, instead
long pools of red
ignorance
arrogance
avoidance
pretence,
we don’t see
won’t see
can’t see
all around
red tears stain, our—
hearts
minds
souls
conscious,
for what was
will never be again
never too late to stem the flow
staunch
bandage
heal and recuperate
beg forgiveness
be at one—
in time the stains will fade

On becoming

Born
created
from an egg
waxed
mother-of-pearl
pure form
biding time—
that right moment
unleash all things
for humanity
then for our sins
lightning
thunder marks the sky
heaven bursts in continuous splats of rain
down to
rich earth
fertile land
arid soil
acrid dirt
vegetation—
green land marks
little do you know, tomorrow they will be cleared
make room for stainless steel
artificial light boxes
stacked one on top of the other
mass genocide
even the Immortals no longer exist
life reigns full of politics
this, never in your plan
three parts, simple—
the sky
the land
the sea
how could we have got it wrong...

Tender are the Stairs to Heaven

Tender are the stairs to Heaven
leading innocent souls above
wondrous beauty
effervescent
rise up from an eternal nothing
ascend into perpetual bliss
rung by rung
by step by step
floating,
hover
pause, but just for one moment
Izanami—Radiant sun
cast your warmth over us
share the vastness of your home
Moon goddess—Tsuki-yami
elegant dancer,
moonbeam splendor
in a cascading waterfall of opulent light
sisters forever destined to never meet again
how cruel your fate
how lonely your time—
Beauty, but your curse

Soul mates

Love times one
pleasured by affection
soul mates in life

Love

When your love is worth more
than his love
you cry on the inside and gallantly bare your heart
with sorrow
longing
and melancholy
to him
the world
the universe

hear me
why do you need more
than me
my life
my all
makes me question—me
not you
never you, because you knew
what I would be thinking, that I was never
first choice
last choice in a race
in which I won’t win
can’t win

when odds are stacked against you right at the starting line
the inception
beginning
of that day
that time
and you know what I mean
to love me as you say
on first glance
when all I wanted was to stay out shopping

love makes you laugh
cry
oh my, what a cliche’
rhythm and rhyme,
what a joke
when venting is best for the
pain
alas-
I’m ending this right
about
now.

Dad

Hey Dad
thought I’d write you a note
say thank you for the things you taught me
how to yell until you were blue in the face
when the electricity bill came
and you went around flicking switches off
mumbling under your breathe about the cost of things
and how money did not grow on trees
how the average working person
spent more than their forty hours in a steel box
with no windows
no overtime
no public holiday pay—
in summer sweat permeated every pore
and you couldn’t even stop for a drink
cause the boss stood over you
with whip in hand
and how lunch was a rushed fifteen minute stand up in
the middle of an unshaded smoke laced verandah—
soggy hand-cut white bread that Mum filled with last nights
gristly
congealed fat laden chunk of lamb
tomato and a slab of tasty cheese
every night you would come home exhausted
walk through the door and wait exactly five seconds
before we’d all run from our various posts and cuddle you
and you would wrestle us all to the floor covering our faces with kisses
until Mum would call us all to attention and berate you for
your smelly clothes
dirty hands and to—
not get grease all over my nice clean walls
but that was a long time ago
and things weren’t the same
after that day
that the sweat box closed
and you didn’t tell us for over a month
until things got that bad that you came home no longer smelling
of sweat, but
of single barrel malt whisky
and kisses soon became growls
and growls became
avoiding
you
and you us—
and Mum
no longer cared about clean walls
or wrestling
but about where the next pay check would come from
and what she would tell the family at Christmas time

Fragile stickers

Precious cargo—fragile sticker
sidestep me, don't cut me off
I'm waiting,
patiently,
can't you see.

Hey

Hey, hi
do I know you
I do,
I know, I know
you look—
a little flushed
embarrassed?
A little heavy, heavier?
I remember, I think
but then again, I can’t remember the last time we met
perhaps, I do
but don’t want to admit
that it’s been a while
you’ve let yourself go
no, sorry
I don’t mean to be rude
but I’m sure you agree—
you do, don’t you
you can’t even look me in the eye
don’t look down
please don’t
it’s me, still me
you see me, don’t you...

Don't sweat the small stuff

Give me a second
I need to get this right
in my head and then out of my mouth
somewhere along the way
it gets a little tongue tied
twisted up
totally wrong,
but—
it’s not always about the rights and wrongs
or about love
tenderness
sometimes things get ahead of us
we sweat the small stuff
the things that give us the least satisfaction—
superficial satisfaction
means nothing in the morning satisfaction
get it together—trying
I am
but give me a second
one millisecond
just to get it right in my head
and then out of my mouth

Libertas

Call my name—
loud
call me Libertas
shave my head
stand proud
hold out, my judgment
my vindicta
then cover my modesty—
I am free
to live
to speak—
unshackle the chains that bind my hands
the gag around my mouth
call my name
oh, sweet Libertas
how I long for you

What could have been

Sat upon a broken dream
threaded pieces on a string-
no beginning
no middle
no ending-
a confusing scramble
of nothing
and then from nothing
I saw through vision clear
a semblance of a something
a something of another
piece to piece
and will and want-
assembled into
anew

Just this

It's all a farce
faceless mask to hide what others don't see-
won't see
begotten of lies
deceitful-
pardon me if I choose to sidestep your hypocrisy

Snapshot

I'm sitting waiting for the day that will never come
waiting for that one perfect moment—suspended in time
the rainbow in technicolour
a back drop of my—
misfortune

When I was

When I was five
I watched my mother
dress up in patent heels
and satin dresses
and wished I would be just like her

When I was ten
I watched my mother shut down
from the world around her
like her world had just collapsed
and wished I was never as sad as her

When I was fifteen
I watched my mother yell and scream
about my hair, the clothes—
the boy I brought home
and I wished she’d just shut up

When I was twenty
I watched my mother scrimp and save—
scrub other people’s floors
just so I could marry
and I wished she wouldn’t have to

When I was twenty-five
I watched my mother
hold my baby—
kiss her tiny hands and feet
and wished she’d live forever

When I was thirty
I watched my mother
take her last breath
and sleep
and wish that I would end up being
half the woman as she

Sapphire-onyx-mother of pearl

It's all an illusion—
anyway
the sky is not the sky
but an ever changing canopy
of sapphire-onyx-mother of pearl
and so it goes
the trees not trees
but mannequins that sometimes sway
sometimes don't
wear gloves of emerald
sometimes
ruby
citrine
and sometimes none at all
the seas are not seas
but aquamarine silk sheets
smooth and soft
sometimes rumpled—
when two lovers sleep
the grass not grass
but fingers of turquoise ribbon
cut methodically
though—
sometimes long and wild
swaying in the breeze
your eyes are not like eyes
but cold black marble
vacant stare
through which—
I don't want to see
chill my very core
garnet heart turns into marcasite
It's all just an illusion anyway
isn't that what you want us to believe

Mind

Help
help
my voice hoarse
did I call you
I don't remember—
I cannot breathe
help
me
please
palms sweat
I drip in sweat
showering sweat
clammy
hot
so hot—
heart beats
so loud
count from—
ten
to
one
s
l
o
w
down
help
please
mouth dry
lick my lips
it doesn't—
help
help
so dark
is it night
I can't see
though my eyes
wide
help
me
please

Her dad

She lived in an old house
white weather beaten wood
green shutters
in need of paint
old swing on the front porch
she loved the afternoons
sun shining
red leather shoes kicking the air
and then the one day the chain snapped—
she screamed more out of fright
than danger
her mother ran out, but didn't seem to notice her
hanging at and odd angle
her mother puffed
desperately on her cigarette
looking at nothing
but serious looking
the door slammed
and her father walked
clutching a old battered suitcase under his arm
paused for a moment
staring at her mother
before walking toward her
he kissed her on the cheek
and continued down
the cobble path
out the front gate
no wave goodbye
and that was the last time
she saw him—
her dad

Foggy mornings

Thick foggy mornings
headlights feint
streetlights blur
cars grunt
wiper blades cut through thin panes of ice
but—
I’d rather be in bed
wrapped in flannels
thick and warm
open fire
warms me from the inside out
toes wriggling
fingers tingling
fat splats of rain on my windows
I trace them
drawing patterns that make no sense
waiting for the sun—
waiting
I don’t think it’s coming out today

Made in Australia

The instructions say
nothing
there’s only white space
where I’m sure there should be—
something
anything
nothing
the instructions don’t say
so I’ll make them up as I go along
from left to right
up and down
and when all else fails
add a bit of glue
non toxic, of course
epoxy
resin
tarzan grip
and hope that next time
there will be something
anything
written on your instruction sheet

For my mother

Mother's love devine
wrap me in an embrace
waiting for my time

One hour to the next

Time
passes
morning rush
a whirlwind
bursts of energy
to embark
disembark
arrive
depart
stop
start
life in fast forward
rewind
never paused
never stopped
one place
to
   the
       next
             to
               the
                   next
and back again
time
passes
night traffic
peak traffic
time ticks
too fast
quiet time
never enough
to embark
disembark
arrive
depart
stop
start
only to do it all again—
tomorrow

Blades

Blades—
of a knife
a razor
sharp
like a tongue
a piece of glass—
cool
calculating
cutting—
life a knife
a razor
a tongue
always waiting for that moment
to hurt
to maim
to scar
blades...

It was

It was as brief as an autumn wind
lasted just enough for a shower of leaves
to fall
one by one
to the ground—
through the air
it was as brief as the setting sun
a moment of orange light
and then a star lit sky
brief interlude
stolen by the sea's edge
it was as brief as a first kiss
a peck on the lips
sweet and unfulfilling
left me wanting more
it was
as brief as that 

How long

I wish you had of told everyone
that night so long ago—
I thought it would be better this way
you pretended, I pretended everything was fine
now I see how wrong I was
this thing you’ve had over my head
a life sentence, muted
every day another day that I wonder
will this be the day
will you feel the need to talk
tell him what you know
change my life forever
everyday—the same thoughts
and then I wish
I had the courage to change things
stand up
man up
rise up
to you
how long can I wait
before you burst this bubble
that is my life

No one is listening

The day started out as any other day
I watched the sun climb to its’ post in the sky
settling between cotton ball clouds
I exhaled—
sent my prayers for the day, upwards
upwards with no guiding hand
except no one was listening—
the shrill of the phone
the angst in her voice—
the sobs
I could make no sense,
put the handset down
in methodical process
I left the house
through tinted hues
I watched the sky
and wondered why no one had heard me today
I pitied the sun
wished the clouds would turn grey—
hoped for rain
to make me feel better
all the while thinking
why wasn’t anyone listening...

They

He sits on a porch swing
vacant gaze
pensive brow—
laugh lines replaced
with worry lines

She sits on the front step
eyes glazed over
hands clasped upon her lap—
smile replaced
with a mouth in sorrow

They sit in silence
thoughts meet somewhere in that space
of nothing
linger, then detach and float some more
into another place

He walks to his car
with determined step
suitcase in hand, battered and busted
and falling apart
just like he is

She walks on the beach
closes her eyes against the sun
feels the freedom enveloping
warming her
inside and out

They walk away
from each other
without a backward glance
without a thought—
of regret

Some things

Some things go on until life ends
like a ball of thread unraveling over time
sometimes fast, other times slow, gathering momentum—

some things only get better with time
like an aged red, sitting open on the bench breathing
waiting for the right company

some things take a hold of your heart
and never let go,
even after you think they would

some things hold that place in your
heart
mind
soul
body
that pain you to imagine them gone

some things remain
long after you are gone
only some things

Just stuff

The secret—
I penned it a long time ago
and even then I took my time with the words
they took so long to come
to sound right
to sound like they didn’t mean much
but deep down, I knew they did
and no matter what,
they didn’t seem fitting for it
the secret
my secret—
so I wrote it in the back of an old leather book
on the inside cover,
a book I’d written in over time
a book I’d never write in again—
I tied it closed with a green satin ribbon
and hid it in the bottom of an old box full of knick knacks and
things that weren’t important
an old tarnished locket
faded postcards
birthday cards
old bills
just stuff
and I put it high upon the shelf
and covered it with more stuff
until the entire thing looked like a shelf
of stuff
just stuff
and nothing more

Mosaic

Words of promise
secret words kept locked in a vault
that is my mind
I sit and ponder the words you said
why I promised I wouldn’t tell
I can't remember the reasons
or maybe I try hard to forget them—
I wish I hadn’t, kept my fingers crossed
like when we were kids
it’d make it easier
for me to tell
anyone
everyone
whomever would listen
words of promise
I close my eyes
would it be a break—
a crack
in our friendship
the faith
you have in me—
if I told...

Where do I belong

Finger pointed
like cold—
a steel barrel,
pointed at my head
you will never amount to much
much
to much
to much
to soft, he said
better stay and know your place
it’s not here, he said
away
away
away from here
shoot me down when I am low
down
and down
and down, he said
to the darkest depths of naught
where all devoid souls do rest
mark your place,
your space, he said
now go,
I said—go
now go!

Days

Vows would fall away like cool ashes
dreams would scatter like autumn leaves
thoughts would sprinkle like cinnamon sugar
and all I would wonder about was you—
suddenly I changed my focus
and things I never thought
would come
did—
paint a wonderland
of bright colours, shapes, things more beautiful than I could have ever thought
no more blinding haze of grey,
no more—
I saw it
my life
as bright as the sun
and as colourful as a perfect rainbow

Dear you...

I’m leaving.
Don’t try to find me,
I won’t let you.
This time I won’t.
I won’t try to hide, like some scared rabbit.
I won’t change the colour of my hair, my name or wear some ridiculous disguise.
I won’t.
But, I don’t want you to come after me.
Leave me be, just this once.
I may come back, I may not. I won’t know, if I don’t go,
so don’t, don’t try to find me.
Leave me be.
Just this once.
Please.
   

The Message

I met someone interesting tonight.
At the bottom of a vodka bottle.
It was when I thought I’d had enough to drink, but I wasn’t quite sure.
I suppose you could say the decision was made for me—the bottle was empty.
I was in no state to drive down to the local bottle shop and buy another.
I sat there smoking cigarettes.
In a cloudy haze, I thought I saw my thoughts dance around my head and then I heard it.
It wasn’t an external noise as much as it was an internal feeling.
It did not call my name.
It did not ask me for the time.
It just sighed.
Maybe I sighed.
I’m not sure, all I know is that I became aware of it.
I heard it.
I spoke to it and it listened.