Dreams burst and die

When I succumbed
I knew what I was getting into
there's no point saying I didn't
I'd be lying to myself and to you
you bid your time
I could have fought
I chose not to
why—
I do not know
deep down I'm sure I do
there would be hell to pay
but hell was everyday
no surprises
nothing new
I forgot
at least for a while
and it felt good
to be needed
superficial though it was
you didn't fill my emptiness
you didn't fix the wrongs
you never made any promises
nor I believe you would—
it wasn't ever going to last
naive though I was
this I knew
and when it ended
I was glad

The other side of me

This itch is more than I can take
I scar my body and yet it persists
my blood is on fire—
poisonous
infectious
and yet you are all I think about
I cannot dispel you from within
privileged—my mind—a vault
yet you know my thoughts
intimate
personal
you feed off my vulnerability
I hate you
despise and loathe you—
but I cannot live without you
my thoughts are black
I see no sun light
why must we continue
surely—
it is time for the curtain call
to end this

Desire

Desire nothing more than life itself
the air you breathe
the people you surround yourself with
desire nothing more than your world
the things that make you get up in the morning
the things that make you feel alive—
be they the small things in life
a good cup of coffee
a beautiful meal
a good book—
movie
or night out with friends
desire nothing more than what your competency allows
then nothing can disappoint you
and your desires become reality

To My Friend

There are moments when the things that I remember
are the things you choose to forget
when I can see that you are hurting
even though a smile sits on your face
the colour of your eyes fade, just a little
and no one notices—
but I do

There are times when we're in a group
and you laugh because everyone else does
but I know you don't really want to laugh
cause your eyes are glassy—
and you do that think with your nose
so I stand closer to you
and touch your hand

There are times when you and I don't agree
you nod
but I know you really want to yell at me
cause I don't always think the same as you
and you don't think the same as me
and yes,
we disagree

There are days when I want to stay in bed
and you know how to get me going
it's not what you say
but what you don't
that gets me up
and feeling that I'm worth something
and not a waste of space

There are memories that others don't have—
and I'm not credulous
when someone says
their friend is perfect—
I'm not
you're not
but this is us

Somethings are good
somethings are bad
and it's okay
because you're my friend
and friends have those kinds of moments
and feelings
and memories
and thoughts

Money makes

Clock tower
but time stands still—on
an insignificant hour
and the world continues to pass by
unaware—
men in suits, sleek mobile languidly held to the ear
talking to some drone that promises to make them more dollars
to put in a black bag
bank account
under the bed-
more zeros than anyone could possibly count
spend
or know what to do with
enough money to feed an army
a country
a world
greed-
gorge
revolting
envy
ecstasy
doom
clock tower
hands tick ever so slowly
last breath taken
while a mother cries with rage-
no money here
no food
no meds
just death
what to do-
money makes the world go round
and round
and down

Memories are made like this

Go now, she said
you've done more than enough
more than I ever wanted you too-
go now and take some semblance of a sweet memory before it all gets too much
and you see more than I want you to
I love you like the daughter I never had
I love you profoundly
but-
go now,
you've done your part for me
your tidings I will cherish and take with me into my next life-
where beauty awaits
and those who left so long ago
will welcome me with open arms-
go now, she said

Internal wars

Oh,
wretched faceless thing
gutless are you
to attach yourself to the weak-
the old
the lost
and forgotten
Oh,
horrible mask you wear
that feeds on the destitute
until there is only a shell left
and you-
have taken every last breath from within,
What is it you seek and can never find?
Why is it that everything else may find peace-
but you
Oh,
I banish you from this world
I pray that you disappear forever-
But
deep within,
I know my banishment will never see the light
my prayers will go unanswered,
for you are too strong for me-
and this war,
this war one that I will never win

Mirror, mirror

We are the mirror image-
you older
wiser
lines etched, each a story unto its self
yours less consistent-
mine less full of character
Oh-
how times have changed
to this fragmented self
former glory
buried within a body that slowly is giving up on itself-
of a yesterday
when bosom held high
hair braided in the style that was yours alone-
no beauty surpassed yours,
both inside and out
old cliche'
your door open
a cacophony of noise
a barrage of people-
some important
most not-
always welcome,
with all that you had to offer, they would leave
arms laden with all sorts-
some needed
most not-
yours; the home most frequented
the words sought
the smile to brighten their day-
we are the mirror image
If only I am to become what you once were-
proud I am to walk in your steps