The Rise and Fall

Take on board all criticism

and disregard it like you would an old coat

leave it beneath your feet

step on it—

stomp on it—

dance on it—

every day if it helps

until it is all but a distant memory—

in time

dust will collect upon it

and years from now

when you are old and grey

you’ll trip on threadbare woolen shreds

and you’ll remember what was said

it won’t matter any more

nothing will—

you will have made your way

success will be yours

and those who spewed forth that venomous doubt

in a verbal spate

will lie humbly six feet under

So it goes

I am swimming between two oceans

I cannot swim 

so I am drowning

in a chasm of green 

blessed by the gods

contaminated by man—

I cannot drink it

nor bath in it

instead I float and pray

ahead I see an island

a chimera

I think—

hope not 

my arms move with a steadfast determination

I ache and yet I swim

until I cannot any more

and I let myself be guided

arms open

the sea is my friend—

I tell myself

I close my eyes

and dream

until I can dream no more

Dreams burst and die

When I succumbed
I knew what I was getting into
there's no point saying I didn't
I'd be lying to myself and to you
you bid your time
I could have fought
I chose not to
why—
I do not know
deep down I'm sure I do
there would be hell to pay
but hell was everyday
no surprises
nothing new
I forgot
at least for a while
and it felt good
to be needed
superficial though it was
you didn't fill my emptiness
you didn't fix the wrongs
you never made any promises
nor I believe you would—
it wasn't ever going to last
naive though I was
this I knew
and when it ended
I was glad

The other side of me

This itch is more than I can take
I scar my body and yet it persists
my blood is on fire—
poisonous
infectious
and yet you are all I think about
I cannot dispel you from within
privileged—my mind—a vault
yet you know my thoughts
intimate
personal
you feed off my vulnerability
I hate you
despise and loathe you—
but I cannot live without you
my thoughts are black
I see no sun light
why must we continue
surely—
it is time for the curtain call
to end this

Desire

Desire nothing more than life itself
the air you breathe
the people you surround yourself with
desire nothing more than your world
the things that make you get up in the morning
the things that make you feel alive—
be they the small things in life
a good cup of coffee
a beautiful meal
a good book—
movie
or night out with friends
desire nothing more than what your competency allows
then nothing can disappoint you
and your desires become reality

To My Friend

There are moments when the things that I remember
are the things you choose to forget
when I can see that you are hurting
even though a smile sits on your face
the colour of your eyes fade, just a little
and no one notices—
but I do

There are times when we're in a group
and you laugh because everyone else does
but I know you don't really want to laugh
cause your eyes are glassy—
and you do that think with your nose
so I stand closer to you
and touch your hand

There are times when you and I don't agree
you nod
but I know you really want to yell at me
cause I don't always think the same as you
and you don't think the same as me
and yes,
we disagree

There are days when I want to stay in bed
and you know how to get me going
it's not what you say
but what you don't
that gets me up
and feeling that I'm worth something
and not a waste of space

There are memories that others don't have—
and I'm not credulous
when someone says
their friend is perfect—
I'm not
you're not
but this is us

Somethings are good
somethings are bad
and it's okay
because you're my friend
and friends have those kinds of moments
and feelings
and memories
and thoughts

Money makes

Clock tower
but time stands still—on
an insignificant hour
and the world continues to pass by
unaware—
men in suits, sleek mobile languidly held to the ear
talking to some drone that promises to make them more dollars
to put in a black bag
bank account
under the bed-
more zeros than anyone could possibly count
spend
or know what to do with
enough money to feed an army
a country
a world
greed-
gorge
revolting
envy
ecstasy
doom
clock tower
hands tick ever so slowly
last breath taken
while a mother cries with rage-
no money here
no food
no meds
just death
what to do-
money makes the world go round
and round
and down