When it all makes sense

Sometimes all the right words get glued to the roof of my mouth
and the only ones that find their way
are the words that don't mean much—
sometimes the memories that I want to remember
are locked in a vault
so deep that I cannot grab them
and the only ones that I can remember are the ones that make me
sad—
sometimes when I close my eyes
and try to find you,
your eyes,
lips,
hair evade me—
I only see me
sometimes the pain is too much—
gut wrenching,
I cannot breathe
and sometimes I lay away at night and it's all that I can do
from crying myself to sleep
but then—
something happens
small
in an everyday
mundane thing—
I smile
sometimes I even laugh out loud
without feeling silly
or feeling like I shouldn't
sometimes through the clouds
the sun shines through
and—
I feel you
and you're okay
I'm okay
sometimes